Not everyone is blessed with dating confidence and there are those who have found themselves cringing at the idea of meeting a potential partner in a social situation. However, this kind of self-confidence is something that any man or woman can acquire. What’s more, it’s a lot easier than you think.
Look for like-minded partners. Having common interests or shared circumstances makes it easier to break the ice. Do you love movies? Music of a particular era? Are you into sports? A history buff? There’s your cue. Joining a volunteer group is a great way of meeting compatible people. If you’re not a member of a group or club, consider joining one.
Prepare. Take reasonable steps to avoid any surprises. Scout the place where you will meet them and do a run-through. It also helps to have a backup plan. Loosen up. Don’t script the whole date. Go with the flow.
Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. This is what most people mean when they say “be yourself” – because there is essentially nothing wrong with you. You are absolutely good enough for your date or for anyone else. If you’re shy, it’s ok to be shy. If you like pop or comics, don’t pretend to like opera and classical poetry just because your date seems more high-brow than you.
Stay within your comfort zone. Until you gain more confidence in yourself and the relationship, look for situations where you know your way around. Pick an informal, open-ended event with no set agenda, like a street fair. If you both ‘click’ suggest a more intimate but nonthreatening follow-up like coffee at a popular restaurant. You could even spend time together doing friend things. This will mean that not only do you get to know the person but they will find it easier to drop their guard, too.
Try going to the cinema. You don’t have to talk about anything during a movie, and afterwards, the movie itself serves as a topic of conversation. So the problem of conversation becomes relatively simple. Making your first date relatively short and centred around an activity of some sort will do a lot to calm your nerves.
Make an effort to talk. Much of your conversation will be based upon you and your date’s initial meeting. You already know something about your date, so this makes conversation much easier; you simply base your conversation on what you already know about him or her. Discuss events in the news, or the organisation or situation that brought you together. Share a bit about your pets, your family, your favourite place, books, movies, music etc. Ask the other person questions. If they are not shy, let them do most of the talking but ask questions without to show your interest.
Don’t expect perfection. There might be a time when you don’t think the evening is going just the way you wanted to. This is not the end of it all. Give it time, relax consciously and be positive.
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