By and large, the moment I’ve shared on social media that has received the most interaction from friends and family was my engagement announcement. My posts about finishing grad school, passing challenging licensure tests, adopting a new puppy and landing my dream job all received some congratulatory comments, but nothing near the magnitude of me announcing that I’ll soon be someone’s wife.
Many people can relate to this curious phenomenon, which leaves people asking “Why is getting married seen as more of an accomplishment than other things?” It’s a valid question.
Working your ass off through school, reaching a career milestone, completing a difficult project, overcoming an enduring physical illness and making big strides toward recovery with mental illness are all worthy of recognition – but, in comparison, they get lost in the fold.
Some people use comedy to poke fun at this current state of affairs, like the people who hold photo shoots with their medical degrees, job offers and even host a “gender reveal” shoot where the big reveal is that they’ve adopted a puppy.
Here are some reasons why we should re-examine this custom:
1. Single-shaming
The media already tend to paint single people (especially women) as desperate, damaged goods and ravenous in finding a mate. The plot of many rom coms is a woman who FINALLY reaches the finish line that, apparently, all women are expected to cross: marriage.
The idea that a person isn’t whole until they join another in matrimony is a little ridiculous, isn’t it? It reinforces the idea that people who are single (including those who are single by choice), those who are divorced, as well as those who prefer serial monogamy or polyamory, or just don’t like the idea of marriage are somehow not whole or worthy.
2. Reinforces outdated values
Let’s face it: a lot of this stuff is pretty old-fashioned. And we cannot move forward from outdated customs that aren’t always useful if we don’t challenge how we perceive them. People still have value if they don’t be come wives, husbands, breadwinners or homemakers.
3. Overshadows other life accomplishments
Lavishing praise and congratulations upon those who get engaged or married often means that same enthusiasm isn’t shared when people reach other important milestones. There are tons of accomplishments that are worthy, not just deciding to marry another person. Once we start to spread out our congratulatory comments, we can start to see real progress in acknowledging the broader humanity in all of us.
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