There's nothing like a loving, committed relationship to kill the conversation between a man and woman! From the lovelorn chatathons of the heady courtship days to the clipped phone conversations that end with the insincere promise, "I'll call you back," it's pretty much downhill.
But it's not just you. It's a universal feminine gripe that men seem unable to hold a conversation with their women without acting bored, irritated and terribly eager to get away, much like a schoolboy in the principal's office! The clever ones, incidentally, will not even be pinned down to a conversation, making their getaway just around the time you say, "we need to talk!"
And that does not help you at all, especially when you do need to converse with your man-of-few-words about important things like, for instance, getting back to work full-time, or your worries about your relationship hitting a dead-end; or your concerns about your mother's health; or just how you wish he'd talk to you more often. Communication is the key to a successful relationship and you are rightly worried if you find that the two of you don't converse anymore. Here are a few ideas that might just get you chatting away like best buds again. Try them.
Be a good listener
If you want your man to listen to you, be prepared to listen to him as well. Many men complain that when women say that they want to talk, they really mean that they want to talk about themselves and their own issues. They are not really interested in a two-way discussion. So introspect and see if you are guilty of this as well. If you are, start by asking questions about his day or his issues. Let your empathy and interest show and he will reciprocate as you ease into a comfortable conversation.
Talk, don't nag
Most men feel cornered when you want to sit them down for a chat because they expect it to be a one-sided nagging session. Keep your tone conversational and not accusatory when you have a pow-wow and stop yourself from criticising him, showering accusations or bringing up past grievances. IF you want to be able to talk to your man, it's best not to treat him as an adversary. A face-to-face is more likely to make him think that you are gearing up for a fight than a relaxed chat where you are sitting side by side.
Explain your self
Men have a solution for every problem and would love to solve yours too. However, being from Mars as they are, they have no idea that you have no use for solutions! What you want is a receptive ear and an ability to vent! So, explain to him that you need to talk…that's just the way that you are hardwired and he doesn't need to feel pressurized to offer any solutions. Do remember, however, that men are not terribly enthusiastic about discussing emotions and feelings, so keep the venting and ranting sessions to a minimum.
Keep it short and direct
As you must have discovered by now, men have little patience for long-winded rambling conversations that women so love. However, if you want to catch his attention and keep it from wavering, get straight to the point. Men are no good with hints either. So if you are feeling tired and would like him to give you a back massage, just go ahead and ask him instead of dropping the hint; waiting coyly for him to do so; and then sulking when fails to read your mind!
Timing is everything
Face it: You are not going to get even a teeny bit of your man's attention if you insist on "the talk" while he is engrossed in the IPL finals. Choose a time when he is least distracted…maybe when you are out for a walk or a drive, or after dinner…you'd know best when he is most receptive. Do remember that a conversation is not about you spewing out everything just because you want to get it off your chest, it's about engaging with someone when it's convenient for him as well.
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