When you look in the mirror, do you love the body you see? Do you look at your curves, rolls, bulges, and wrinkles and find yourself attractive? What do you see when you look at yourself? If you’ve tried and failed to lose weight, tried and failed to love yourself the way you are, or are ready for a change, this article is for you.
More than a decade ago as part of an intensive 9-day teaching retreat, I was given the assignment to put a paper bag over my head and stand naked in front of a mirror. This exercise came at the end of a very long day where my shell of self-critical hatred had cracked and I was feeling loved and supported. Yet I didn’t want to do the exercise. I knew I was supposed to have my day of transformation result in seeing myself with new eyes and loving the person in the mirror. Reluctantly, after the other 100 people had all gone to their rooms to do their own naked mirror time, I dragged myself into mine.
I tried to be positive. Maybe this time would be different? But I knew what I would see. I would see every lump, bump, and imperfection. I would judge and criticize my physical form even as I tried to love myself. I would fail miserably to see past my own expectations and disappointment. And that’s exactly what happened. It was excruciating. My bubble of self-love deflated under my own criticism.
Fast forward 10 years to a new scene. I’m snuggling with a new friend. We’d been talking candidly and personally. After a decade of self-improvement I was pretty self aware and casually mentioned to him that I was noticing a lot of tension in my hips and thighs. I told him I could consciously relax, but as soon as my mind went elsewhere, the tension came right back.
Then he did an amazing thing. He did the thing that the naked exercise failed to do a decade before. He gave me the key to unlock my doorway to self-love. And he did it by asking questions, listening, and offering appreciation. He gave empathy to the tension in my hips. He treated it as though it belonged and had some useful function. He treated it as a part of me that had a right to be there rather than as a useless hindrance to be gotten rid of.
Amazingly enough, something wonderful happened. I learned the tension was there to protect me like a turtle’s shell or armor. The tension was serving a very useful function and that’s why all my efforts to meditate, yoga, and affirm it away had failed. It was like a light bulb went on in my head and heart.
That moment of support changed my life. My body started to become my friend and teacher rather than a thing to be overcome in my quest to get something better. Now I help people connect with the parts within them that they want to get rid of, improve, or deny. Do you have any parts like that? Fat, tension, anxiety, depression, anger, procrastination all come from parts that benefit from being listened to with empathy. I support people on their own inner journeys.
As a parent coach I go a step beyond helping people connect with themselves to help parents connect with the gifts that lie within their children’s troubling behavior. When a parent understands what motivates their child and can offer compassion to that need, then the parent finds it much easier to be empathetic with the child while still setting good boundaries. Sound good? For now, I invite you to go on a guided visualization to connect with your own compassionate presence. Try it. I think you’ll like it.
Author Bio:
Kassandra Brown supports people in transforming their lives. She works over Skype and phone from her home in an ecovillage in rural Missouri.
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