Post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) takes its toll on your emotional health, and also your relationship wellness. Trauma survivors often have trouble maintaining or establishing intimate and family relationships or close friendships, as PTSD can interfere with your ability to trust, communicate, solve problems, be assertive or achieve emotional closeness. We humans were made to be together and in relationships with one another, so this outcome of PTSD can further damage your wellbeing, and begin a negative cycle.
When you survive a trauma, you can experience a great deal of emotional and physical pain, be it from the trauma itself or the emotional trauma afterwards. Not only does this impact you as the victim, but also the loved ones that surround you. You might not be interested in anything social or sexual, you may feel distant from others, or you may be numb to what’s going on around you. You may experience problems relaxing, socialising or being intimate without being tense or demanding, because you’re often in a state of irritation, anxiety, worry, nervousness or distrust. Plus, avoiding reminders of the trauma, reliving painful memories and struggling with the emotions that come out of them can interfere with your ability to concentrate, listen and make decisions.
All of the above emotional and mental problems mean that PTSD survivors and their loved ones often go through problems that aren’t resolved for a long time, as your friends and family struggle to communicate with you, and feel it’s impossible to work as a team. They might be hurt, alienated or discouraged by your lack of progress, or even feel angry and distant towards you because of how you’ve been acting. Then, if the PTSD is interfering with your sleep patterns, your partner may also suffer from a lack of sleep and, as a result, the emotional problems grow. In fact, living with someone with PTSD can cause the partner to experience vicarious or secondary traumatisation, which is similar to having PTSD.
PTSD is caused by a number of traumatic events, including childhood sexual and physical abuse, rape, domestic violence, combat, terrorism, genocide, torture, kidnapping, and being a prisoner of war. Understandably, survivors often report feeling a lasting sense of terror, horror, vulnerability, and betrayal that interferes with relationships. This means that you can be resistant to let down your guard and be emotionally or sexually intimate with another person, even if you feel a strong bond of love or friendship towards that person.
So how can you let down your PTSD guard, and create and maintain successful intimate relationships?
1. Establish a personal support network: You need a strong team of professionals around you to help you cope with the PTSD while you maintain or rebuild relationships with family and friends. However, the support network can’t do the job for you; you need dedication, perseverance, hard work, and commitment to get your relationship wellness back on track.
2. Create a safe environment in which to share your feelings: You and whomever you’re building a relationship with need to be able to sharing feelings honestly and openly. This should be done with an attitude of respect and compassion. When sitting down to discuss your relationship or the PTSD, it may be helpful to lay down these ground rules, in order to set the tone and ensure everyone is on the same page.
3. Work on yourself: Recovering from the emotional trauma of PTSD can be a lengthy process, and will take more that just a few conversations. You need to continually strengthen your relationship skills, with particular regard to cooperation, problem-solving and communication.
4. Have fun: Relationships aren’t all about feelings and deep chats; they’re also about enjoying life together. Make sure that you make a special effort to include playfulness, spontaneity, relaxation, and mutual enjoyment in the relationship, and the rest will come out of that.
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