Cancer is an issue which affects millions of families every year, but it can be hard to discuss with those you love. Being the child of a parent receiving a cancer diagnosis is difficult and scary, so it’s important that they know the facts and are informed along the way to make the process less hard. There’s no ‘good’ time to talk about this topic with your children, but naturally when you have young children it can be more difficult to explain to them what’s going on without confusing or scaring them completely. Here are some tips on how to broach this subject and finding age appropriate ways to explain what’s going on.
1 – Decide who’s going to tell them and when
It may be the parent with the cancer diagnosis or it may be the other parent or a family member. The important thing is that someone they know and trust breaks the news. There’s no good time, as previously mentioned, to discuss cancer with a child, or anyone, but try to pick a time when you can devote as much time and mental energy into the conversation. Your children will no doubt have many questions and it’s vital that you give plenty of time to answering these with care and information so that they don’t feel left in the dark about things they’re worried about.
2 – Start off simply
You should start with a simple explanation of what cancer is and then let your children lead the conversation – they will have questions, so take the lead from each child and see what they have to say. You should offer reassurances as honestly as possible and always give your children enough opportunities to state their feelings and to ask questions. They may need time to process the information before they have something to ask, so be sure to check in regularly to ensure they don’t feel like they have to refrain from asking you anything. You don’t need to go into graphic details, but at the same time don’t feel like you must hold everything back – there’s a balance for each child, it’s just a matter of finding it. Remember that each child may need more or less information, even if they’re in the same family, and that isn’t always a simple matter of age. Some younger children may want and can handle more information than older ones.
3 – Don’t over-protect your children
It can be easy to want to keep all the details back in order to protect your kids, but this isn’t the best way to handle the issue. Children can handle a lot more than we think they can, and they don’t necessarily need protection from the bad things in life all the time – this can sometimes be more harmful than beneficial. If you’re unsure how to tackle this subject, you may want to speak to your GP – there are many resources available to help you if you need a guide or suggestions of ways to bring the subject up and to answer questions honestly. Asking for help can be hard but it’s important that you don’t feel on your own – there are many people who can help you through this difficult time. You should also remember that it’s ok if your children see you vulnerable – this may be the most difficult of all, but your children’s ability to cope is stronger than you may think, and with your guidance they will get through this difficult stage.
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