A new book is offering insight into relationships, thanks to the biggest ever survey of couples worldwide. More than 70,000 couples were quizzed for Chrisanna Northrup’s study, The Normal Bar.
The American wellness entrepreneur enlisted the help of sexologist Pepper Schwartz and James Witte, of the Centre for Social Science Research at George Mason University. Their survey aimed to provide a more rounded view of how relationships begin, how they settle down into familiarity and how they can end, and so demonstrate to other couples how their behaviour is not out of the ordinary.
The topics covered included affection, money issues and appearance.
For example, when it comes to discussing finances, the survey revealed that a whopping 80% of recipients had no idea how much their partner earned. The advice from experts in family therapy was that communication was essential so neither partner felt excluded about money. One suggestion was that before committing to the relationship, each disclosed all their assets, liabilities and savings to the other so, as a couple, you can make decisions together about the money you have.
A tendency when in a long-term relationship is to let appearances slide and to make less of an effort to dress up or take care of yourself, assuming your other half is comfortable with how you look. That’s not the case, according to Northrup’s survey in which more than a third of those questioned said they wanted their partner to care more about appearance. The solution from Northrup is simple – you should make more of an effort, too, so your other half will start to respond and smarten up how he or she looks. Pay him or her regular compliments that are a boost to self-esteem, too.
Trust is, of course, one of the biggest issues in some relationships, confirmed by the fact that only 39% of women surveyed said they had complete trust in their partner. When you read that 69% of men who took part said they’d stray if given a come-on by someone else, the lack of faith from women is no surprise. The advice in Northrup’s book is to raise the top of infidelity in a casual fashion, perhaps responding to a story in a newspaper or magazine, and offer your thoughts on what might make you have an affair before asking your other half if he or she has ever considered it. Knowing how each of you feels about such an important matter can only help your relationship, says Northrup.
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