Are you over the age of 35 and trying to get pregnant? Real women share their stories about how trying to conceive affected their sexual health and overall wellbeing.
1. I Just Wanted One More Baby: ‘I conceived easily when I was 30 and again at age 32,’ recalls former nurse practitioner Jenny Davis, 38. ‘When I turned 36, I wanted one more child. I quickly got pregnant but miscarried at 12 weeks. After seeing a fertility specialist, I conceived with an IUI, but that pregnancy also ended in miscarriage. I felt strange after that: I kept having hot flashes, and I wasn’t getting my period. Six months after the miscarriage, I got shocking news: I was in premature ovarian failure. Once I got my wits about me, I decided to use an egg donor…The process of finding a donor was strange: I ended up picking someone who didn’t really look like me but was close to her family and seemed like someone I could relate to. I thought about her a lot during the pregnancy. But when my son was born, he just felt like my own biological baby. He is now seven months old, and every time I look at him, I feel so much gratitude.’
2. I Thought it Was Too Late for Me: ‘I am still in shock that I am 41 and almost nine months pregnant,’ says Daniella, 41, who lives in Cape Cod. ‘I’ve been married for 10 years but have always been very blasé about having children…I went off of the pill when I was 39 in an effort to get pregnant, but when I didn’t after six months, I just assumed it wasn’t going to happen. Then, a year later, I experienced the weirdest period I’d ever had: It wasn’t really bleeding, just on-and-off spotting. I took a pregnancy test to be safe, and when the first came back positive I was in such disbelief that I took another one. Even now, I feel guilty that my initial reaction wasn’t ecstasy but rather ‘Oh, s—t.’ At age 41, its difficult to go through such a major change, and it took a while to wrap my head around how the baby was going to fit into our lives…The last few weeks have been tough, mainly because I am on my feet teaching all day, but I am now excited about my pregnancy. It’s a game changer all right, but in a good way.’
3. I’m OK with Not Having a Child: Lisa, 43, from Los Angeles, details, ‘I tried to get pregnant for five long, excruciating years between the ages of 34 and 39. I felt like I had been run through the infertility mill and suffered countless misdiagnoses, so when I finally learned that I had poor ovarian reserve and would never be able to conceive, even via IVF, unless I used donor eggs, there was a sense of relief…I knew what the problem was, and that there was nothing I could do to fix it. I didn’t want to go the donor egg route—I didn’t want to spend the time, money and energy on more fertility specialists. We contemplated adoption, but after coming to terms with my infertility, I had a surprising realisation: I was happy with my life, and I didn’t necessarily want to change it. My husband is quite a bit older than me, and his kids are grown. We both enjoy being able to travel and otherwise live our lives the way we want without having to be accountable to anyone. I no longer choke up when someone assumes that just because I’m a certain age I have kids, or get defensive when I’m asked why I’m childless. I’m comfortable with my life path the way it is.’
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