Marriage is special, and it is one of the most important commitments a person will make in life. My decision to marry my husband was one of the best I’ve ever made. It hasn’t always been easy, but I know why I married him: I respected him, he loved me, he worked hard, and our values were closely aligned. I cannot imagine going through the tough times without reflecting back on how convinced I was when I married him.
While there are many positive reasons to wed someone, there are a number of other situations where it may not be the right decision. So often couples these days find shortly into their commitment that they are actually incompatible. They find them facing a life long grind to make it work, or the failure of divorce. They didn’t ask the right questions or think through their decisions. Instead, they used some of the following reasons to tie the knot:
Personality
While personality does play a role in the choice of a spouse, there are other important factors to consider. The element of personality is only a surface level element in a relationship. Couples can’t simply be charmed by their other half, they must be emotionally compatible and connected. Goals and tastes should be aligned, and most importantly, a couple should share similar core values. Focus dating efforts on getting to know someone’s core self will empower both couples to make the marriage decision. As a side note, these efforts to understand each other deeply should only increase after marriage. Marrying for the “right” personality alone is a recipe for disaster.
Family Pressure
This is the modern age of romance, but families can still exert influence over the choice of a marriage partner. Parental approval is no guarantee of happiness and in the end, a person must choose the person who is right for them, not their family. After all, parents don’t see their child’s relationship as much as the child does. If they saw as much of their child’s significant other, the parents might push in a different direction. Take family opinions into consideration because they are important, but know when to stand your ground.
Pregnancy
Of all the wrong reasons to get married, “doing the right thing” because the woman is pregnant is among the most misguided. A baby will not make a relationship work, and a sour marriage will have a long-lasting, negative impact on a child. Making the right decision is extremely difficult when you have a child outside of wedlock. Couples would benefit greatly with a counselor, mentor, or even a lawyer to help them sort out the complex issues involved.
Family attorney Carol N. Shapiro says something important about premarital pregnancy: If you are having a baby out of wedlock, you’ve already made a pretty big mistake by taking on the responsibility of a child in a relationship with unclear commitment expectations. Working out this responsibility between the parents can be messy for years. Don’t make another mistake, talk to an experienced professional who can help you sort out the decisions going forward.
Time Investment
When two people date for a very long time, it can appear to be a solid romance that has stood the test of time, and the next step should be marriage. The reality is that if the couple were right for each other, they would have married sooner. Couples can sense when they aren’t as deeply connected as they should be. Don’t let the length of time together override that sense. Time investment is not a legitimate reason to make a lifetime commitment.
Married Friends
Being the only unmarried person in a group of close friends can feel extremely awkward and make it harder to hang out. This can make a person feel as though marriage is a requirement to maintain the status-quo. Fitting in is one of the worst reasons to wed, leading to years of unhappiness and possibly divorce.
Life Map
Some consider marriage to be another pin on life’s map, right after education, career and a house. They therefor feel obligated to marry someone because it’s a “required” destination. People’s lives can take different paths and turns, and walking down the aisle may not be part of the plan. Settling down should happen because it is right, not because it is expected.
Marriage to is too important to do wrong. If you are thinking about it, go the extra mile to learn about marriage from those who are and have been married. Make the right decision for the right reasons.
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