Bounce by the Ounce is the most brilliantly hideous advert for dance music

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Welcome to Rumes nightclub in Preston. It’s a dark and terrible place that few dare to tread. Think of it as the place beyond the wall in Westeros, only much less civilised. Rumes is the focus of a new viral video online and it’s attracting attention for all the wrong reasons – namely its parade of third-degree gurns (1:40), frantic dancing (0:39), and what looks like TOWIE’s Kirk Norcross (it isn’t) blowing a rave whistle (1:32).


No one is under any illusions about what nightclubs are like. But it is baffling that director Stephen Singleton thought this would ever be a good advertisement for a nightclub. He seems to have filmed specifically on nights where the dark forces of Hades marched to Rumes in pursuit of a bangin’ donk. Don’t even try to run because you’ll never escape their dark and deadly grasp.


The most terrifyingly brilliant part of the film comes at the end when – after 10 seconds of watching someone thrust arrhythmically at the camera while spilling Blue WKD – the acid trip closing credits threaten a Bounce by the Ounce II.


Be afraid. Be very afraid.


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