If you don’t think anything of it, it won’t do its job, says a UK sexologist about the trouble with sizeing up your manhood.
At the National Conference of Sexology held recently at a Navi Mumbai hotel, UK-based sexologist, Dr Kevan R Wylie asked a question not directed at anyone in particular. “If you don’t love your penis, how the hell can you expect anybody else to?” he said to a room full of sexual therapists and counsellors from across the country.
In a career spanning 20 years, Wylie, who is President, World Association for Sexual Health, has investigated sexual dysfunction among men and women, even co-authoring books on the subject.
His research, published in the International Society of Sexual Medicine 2013, discussed the subject he was keen to elaborate on that morning – small penis syndrome. Typical to men who have normal-sized penises but believe it’s not large enough, the condition is known to render even a physically fit and sexually effective man incapable of achieving an erection. The idea for the research came to Wylie when he encountered an increasing number of men who were referred to him by their GPs for erectile dysfunction (ED), but wouldn’t respond to medication for it. ED or impotence is a sexual dysfunction characterised by a man’s inability to achieve and maintain an erection through the sexual act. While diabetes, cardiovascular disease, hormonal and neurological issues can lead to ED, sometimes, the cause is mind-centric. “It turned out,” said Wylie, “that the patients weren’t suffering from ED. Their problem was psychological,” he said, narrating the case of a 32-year-old man, who was battling depression and ED because he believed he wasn’t satisfying his wife, although she had found no reason to complain to him.
Brain-body connect
Wylie’s investigations revealed that these patients were ashamed about their bodies, and self conscious although almost all of them were healthy and didn’t report a testosterone deficiency.
Dissatisfaction about their organ’s size – also called penis shame – had left them overly anxious, a state that is well known to interfere with sexual performance. It makes perfect sense when you realise that an erection is the result of blood rushing into veins located within the sexual organ. This occurs during arousal, when the mind sends a message to nerves in the penis.
“Body shame leads to lower sexual pleasure, lower arousal and the inability to get an erection,” he explained.
Interestingly, the condition was seen more among men over 30, who admitted that while they were in their 20s, they hoped their jewels were yet to grow. Sometimes, if these men haven’t been lucky in love, they end up blaming their loneliness on size. “Often, the real problem is their own social phobia. It’s what stops them from meeting new people. That’s why they rarely receive a positive response from girlfriends or partners, which would have eventually led them to realise their true potential in bed,” he said.
Negative psychology
The media, and the standards it sets, plays a significant part in building perception. “Someone who suffers from this condition tends to selectively focus on extremes, and bases his theory of what is acceptable on this perception of ‘ideal’. In the bargain, he negatively evaluates himself,” Wylie explained. It’s not uncommon, he said, for men to find it tough to admit the problem to close friends, family and even themselves.
Building confidence
The first step, he said, was to get the patient to understand that he falls within the ‘normal’ size range. “Another good technique is to ask the man to view his naked reflection in a full-sized mirror. By doing this, he observes his anatomy in a way he’d view another man’s.”
THE BIG TRUTH
» The international standard for normal penis size is three to four inches. A micro penis is one that is shorter than seven millimetres. Unless you fall in the latter category, you needn’t worry.
» According to a study, only 22% women care about the size of their man’s organ.
» A study suggested that 90% women prefer a wide penis to a long one. So set aside the ruler.
» While 85% women are satisfied with their partner’s penile size, only 55% men were satisfied with their own size.
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