Of the various types of sex addiction, the behaviour known as ‘love addiction’ may be the most emotionally harmful. Just as some people have an addiction to the physical act of sex, others are addicted to the seduction process itself, and get their kick from the emotional heights of an early romantic relationship. Unfortunately for their partner, the love addict’s interest lasts only as long as the first flushes of romance, after which they are on the hunt for their next seduction opportunity.
None of us are immune to those first sparks of romance, but the healthy approach is to let the relationship develop into something consistent and long-lasting. After all, the real reward of romance is in finding a life partner and developing a lasting love far deeper than any brief love affair. The situation of ‘love addicts’ is actually quite lonely when viewed in this context. Constantly in and out of ‘love’ relationships, they never get a chance to grow and develop a real partnership with someone. They tend to suddenly lose interest in the relationship just as it becomes secure and predictable. It is, in other words, the ‘commitment-phobia’ of those enticed by the dream of love and unable to open themselves to the mature reality of love and partnership.
It’s not unusual for those of us in the West to experience a number of love affairs before finding our eventual partner. Quite probably, we’ve all been through the realisation of ‘the honeymoon being over’. However, such relationships are learning experiences, which teach us what to look for in a relationship and what to be wary of. An unhealthy number of brief love affairs can be harmful to the addict’s wellbeing, as well as that of the partners he/she is involved with. ‘Love addicts’ will typically have a string of jilted lovers, a bad reputation, and the continual stress of a life lived in emotional chaos. ‘Love addiction’ represents a distorted view of the reality of relationships, and turns romantic love into a mere sequence of seduction and sexual encounters.
It is important to avoid quick judgment on people who exhibit this behaviour. ‘Love addicts’ base their behaviour on immature romantic notions and, as a result, suffer intense ongoing disappointment in life. They don’t set out to hurt people, but simply exhibit a lack of self-knowledge and maturity in coping with life’s challenges. It is a wellness issue, and at its worst extent a mental health problem, which requires a compassionate approach in treatment. The behaviour may form part of an underlying disorder or emotional problem best dealt with through psychotherapy. If you recognise the signs of this behaviour in yourself or another, be kind and compassionate to yourself first. Don’t be too quick to blame but start by reading up on the condition. If you can, take the opportunity to see a counselor and look into local self-help groups aimed at helping addictive behaviours. It could be that you need to reexamine your desires and expectations under the guidance of an expert.
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