It is important to express your feelings whether they are good or bad. Today there is a lot of hype about “being positive” and so much pressure to be happy, but sometimes we need to express what is upsetting us as well. In short, it’s okay to sometimes be negative; after all it is natural to go through peaks and troughs of emotion. It’s the suppression of emotions of any kind that is so damaging for us. Keeping negative feelings inside and not expressing them can lead to short- and long-term physical illness; a fact now well-supported by medical research. Emotional pain can create a wide range of diseases and also lower your immune system.
The relationship counselor and author of ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’, John Fray, recommends the love letter technique to help you with your mental health and emotional wellness. By writing out all your worries and concerns you attain a whole new view of things and get to express your feelings. The technique is simple – just write an imaginary letter to someone, and feel secure in expressing your real thoughts in the knowledge that you don’t have to actually send the letter. It could be a letter to your lover explaining how you feel and what is upsetting you. Or you could address the letter to your father, best friend or even “God” – a higher power. You could also write a response letter from your partner of what you want to hear from them.
Essentially, the objective of the letter is to express your emotions, understand more about what you are feeling and communicate your emotions more effectively. Start the letter with “I am expressing the following feelings to you…” and include a paragraph of each of the following topics; “I am angry about….”, “I fear….”, “I am sad about…”, “I regret…”, “I appreciate and thank you for…”. The use of the first person will help you to formulate emotional truths that need to be said, and the act of naming your emotions and their causes will help to sharpen your mind to identify its own needs. Writing is an internal and reflective therapy that can be done anywhere and anytime. It’s your chance to be honest with yourself first, before spreading this honesty into your personal relationships. You might even want to write regular letters to yourself; the process of self-evaluation and self-love involved will do wonders for your emotional wellbeing.
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