Emotions are good. They let you know when something isn’t right for you. At least that’s what they’re meant for. But all too often, the emotion you feel now in the present is actually based in a memory from the past.
When this happens, it means you can’t make the best decisions for yourself. You’ll find it hard to stay 100% present and in the now, because the past is always pulling you back. Sadly, exactly how to recover from the past isn’t well known, and here are the three biggest mistakes people make when trying to deal with their emotions…
- They understand them Do you know someone who knows exactly why they have their problems? They know the cause, the events that led to them, how it all happened. They know and fully understand all the patterns and triggers, and often find every opportunity to share them. If anyone seems even remotely interested, they launch into their ‘story’. The problem is – they still have the problem. Knowing why you have the problem and understanding it is a bit like knowing your car doesn’t work because its fan belt has broken, but not actually replacing the fan belt.
- They express them Many therapies focus on crying, talking about your problem or even shouting and screaming. But crying doesn’t release the emotions, nor does it resolve the problem. Although crying can give temporary relief by releasing endorphins, this simply masks the problem and, in fact, reliving the painful event just reinforces the problem, making it worse rather than releasing the emotions and making things better. Every time you think a thought, feel an emotion or recall a memory, neurons fire in your brain along the same original path, strengthening it and making it easier to fire up that pathway next time. This is why small events in the present can trigger past trauma. Expressing emotions does not release them. But if you release the negative emotions and let them go, you can install new, positive and empowering thought processes in their place.
- They suppress them This is also called denial and we do this in a variety of ways. Most people simply kid themselves and deny they have any problems at all. Often emotions are suppressed or anaesthetised out of consciousness with addictions. Smoking, drinking, video games, TV, eating too much or a compulsion to eat a particular thing – even caffeine – will anaesthetise your pain. However, the problems are still there. The neurons are still firing, but out of your conscious awareness. So you are radiating out all that energy completely ignorantly until boom – some big problem lands in your life and you can’t understand where it came from, or why it happened when you were thinking happy thoughts.
If you recognise that you are holding on to negative emotions from the past it’s essential that you find a technique to release them, such as Higher Self Therapy or Time Line Therapy, which have been shown to be highly effective.
To prevent further painful emotions becoming stored, it’s important to allow yourself to feel your emotions. Because we’ve been conditioned to belief that it’s not ok to be anything other than happy, when we feel painful emotions it’s a double whammy. Not only do you feel bad, but then you feel bad about feeling bad. So allow yourself to feel what you feel.
Getting back in touch with your feelings starts with allowing yourself to feel. Simply notice what you are feeling at any given time. Pay attention to how and what you are feeling without judgment of what you’re feeling. Don’t try to analyse, understand your feelings or even try to make them go away. Simply feel. This can give you the space your emotional circuitry needs to ‘reset’ itself.
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