Everyone gets unhappy every once in a while. It’s only natural. If you’re never unhappy, then how can you know how it feels to be truly happy? But the fact is, much unhappiness is completely controllable – especially when it comes from within. Most of the time, it’s not external influences that make you unhappy, but your own insecurities. And the good news is, they’re completely within your control.
Do you believe that joining the herd will give you a sense of belonging?
While connecting with others is important for your emotional wellness, some connections are superficial at best, especially in the age of social media. Joining groups just to belong with ‘the right crowd’, or following the latest fads to seem ‘cool’ only takes away your individuality.
Today, it’s too easy to subscribe to a group without offering anything in return. A true sense of belonging comes from giving, self-sacrifice and effort. Sharing a common experience means shared endeavours and striving for a common goal. The tougher it is to reach that goal, the better the bond is between the people involved.
So choose your group activities and interests based on things that really motivate you – not because you see others doing it, or it seems the right thing to do. Do it because it comes from the heart and others will see that. That way you’ll truly belong and when you do, you’ll never feel alone – even when you’re on your own.
Do you believe that professional success means fulfilment?
An old adage says, ‘You can love your company but it will never love you back’. All professional success is temporary. A month from now, no one will remember you spent every evening last week working on a report – except, perhaps, a child who missed their bedtime story.
That doesn’t mean you should be lackadaisical about work. Hard work is good for your emotional wellness, but work just as hard on other areas of your life. Be a good mother or father, be a caring partner, look after your wider family circle, and do your part to help others and change lives for the better.
Do you believe you can do everything by yourself ?
No one can do it all, all of the time. Ask for help when you need it or you’ll feel miserable while struggling on alone and even unhappier when you fail. Know your limitations and be the best you can, but if you’re too busy, or struggling, let someone know. When you set goals, make them realistic. Otherwise you be left feeling discouraged, defeated, and unhappy.
Do you believe you will fail?
Most people do what they can to avoid failure but still spend anxious hours worrying about poor outcomes, losing sleep and making themselves sick. We all fail from time to time. That’s life. Real success comes from picking yourself up, learning from your mistakes and trying again.
So don’t be afraid of failing. Be afraid of not trying because you were afraid to fail. Transform failure from something you fear into something to be embraced – a motivating driver, instead of a dead end.
Failure also provides a healthy dose of perspective. It reminds you that you’re human, keeping you humble, more tolerant and patient. It helps you remember that you’re not that different from anyone else. Just as importantly, it makes you more accepting when others fail.
Do you believe no one will like you?
It’s this irrational fear that forces you to avoid eye contact and conversation. Instead, you go out of your way to hide behind a newspaper or mobile phone. You wear armour plated with insecurities. Ironically, it’s these insecurities that cause loneliness.
Go out there, be yourself, talk to people, even if you think they won’t be interested. Above all, make friends. Once you no longer fear rejection, you’ll feel much happier with who you are.
Do you believe structure is control?
Most of what you do, especially professionally, is based on trying to maintain control: guidelines, procedures, contingency plans… everything is designed to control the uncontrollable and create a sense of security in an unpredictable, random world.
Sooner or later, contingencies fail, so don’t worry about them. Enjoy the randomness of life. Step outside of the norm when you feel it’s right to do so. Create goals and budgets, but don’t stick to them so rigidly that life becomes staid and clinical. You’ll only get even more frustrated because your meticulous plans and efforts didn’t achieve what you hoped. Enjoy the fact that every day is different.
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