Many children go through a phase of struggling with the mental/emotional aspects of separation. Often referred to as separation anxiety, this can occur at any age and can also affect their wellness and wellbeing at recurring stages throughout their childhood. Some children are naturally more anxious than others, so you may find that whilst one child seemingly sails through without a care in the world, another is far more reticent and anxious about situations.
Children are also generally bonded to one person in a strong nurturing relationship, usually to their primary caregiver (who is often their mother). It is common for children to display nervous or anxious characteristics when they are not around that person. It is normal up to an extent, but for some children the fear takes hold and they start to have irrational fears that something bad will happen to their caregiver or that they will not come back for them.
One of the best ways to help reduce separation anxiety disorder (SAD) is to develop ritualistic ways of saying goodbye. Anxious children often struggle to say goodbye to a parent, and these ‘goodbye rituals’ help them to feel more safe and snug. It can be something as simple as a kiss, a big hug and then leaving. Don’t delay or come back for more kisses and cuddles as this actually makes your child more anxious in the long run, as they don’t know when it is ‘really’ goodbye.
It is also important to make a clean break, so if you are going out for a reasonable period of time, do not lie to your child and say that you will be back soon. Instead be clear that you will be away for some time, but say that you will both do something fun later. This stops your child from having false hopes about you coming back sooner.
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