When we think about sex addiction it can be easy to write it off as something that isn’t really a proper condition, but simply a big title to mean that someone likes to have sex very much. And given that sex it well known as one of the most pleasurable acts for humans to enjoy, people often think that sex addiction is nothing to be surprised about and just means that the person who apparently ‘suffers’ from the condition just enjoys having sex too much. And that must mean that it is nothing to worry about, right? Wrong.
Well, the problem here is that this way of thinking oversimplifies and trivialises a serious problem that can affect the lives and wellbeing of many individuals. So when the film ‘Thanks for Sharing’ came out recently and looked at the subject it was interested to see the way that they framed the issue. In the film, Gwyneth Paltrow’s character learns that her boyfriend is a ‘recovering sex addict’ she responds in the classic and expected way by asking: “Isn’t that something that guys just say when they get caught cheating?” And this does very effectively sum up the way that most people think about sex addiction – it’s not real and it’s something to be laughed at.
But it’s important to notice that we are talking about an addiction and this isn’t something that should be laughed at. An addiction is the failure to stop doing something that begins to threaten someone’s life and everything important to it. ‘Thanks for Sharing’ depicts that through the experiences of four different sex addicts. They are forced to endure heartbreak, turmoil and problems in their lives as they coach each other on the bumpy path of getting over the addiction. One character struggles to transition from an ascetic, sex-free recovery to one that includes him getting into a relationship. Another, who is forced by a court-order to attend a recovery program, tries to remedy his problems with cycles of porn watching and binge eating, and finally loses his well-paid job as a physician after getting caught trying to record an ‘upskirt’ video of his boss.
The film has got this balance right. And that’s because it recognises that people with sex addiction have problems with intimacy and find it difficult to deal with their vulnerabilities and the reality of life. People with sex addiction really struggle with many different aspects of life. When it comes to addictions such as food, gambling and indeed sex, society has a lot of moral judgement about those people who suffer with them – much like there was around drugs and alcohol 30 years ago.
Like other addictions, sex addiction is brought on by anxiety, depression and other deep-seeded emotional issues and not by reason and rationale of sense. In up to 90 per cent of cases, the sex addict has suffered some kind of abuse, according to Jill Bley, who is a Cincinnati-based clinical psychologist and sex therapist. Therefore to treat the addiction you have to identify and deal with the trauma that they have already experienced.
So it is clear that sex addiction is a very serious subject that we shouldn’t mock or make fun of. Indeed people who suffer from this condition are actually suffering from the effects of other more serious problems that deserve to be addressed properly so that they are more able to lead an easy and normal life in the future. This will make them able to overcome their addiction and feel better about themselves.
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