When your husband is in the military, it can take a huge toll on your mental health. As Heidi Murkoff, author of What to Expect When You’re Expecting, explains, ‘Managing an entire household by yourself is tough — especially when you’ve got little ones to care for. But as a military mum, you also face the unique challenge of maintaining family ties across thousands of miles. Between coordinating and communicating with your deployed spouse, and assimilating your little ones into a daily routine without Dad at home, it’s no wonder you are having some trouble.’ However, there are ways in which you can maintain your mental wellness and you kids’ sense of wellbeing while your husband is away:
1. Keep Busy: Murkoff notes, ‘With so much on your mind — and so much responsibility on your plate — it may be hard to think of adding anything else to your day. But keeping yourself occupied is one of the most important things you can do for yourself while you’re parenting solo. Try to establish a routine and stability in and out of the household. Start by taking up a hobby like reading or gardening (kids are great seed planters and weed pullers!). Or if writing is more to your liking, keep a daily journal or a blog.’
2. Sweat Out Stress: ‘As a military mum, stress can put your mind in constant overdrive,’ warns Murkoff. ‘Evidence points to the harmful effects stress can have on your health, including a weakened immune system and elevated blood pressure. So help release some tension by working out at a gym or going for a brisk walk or jog in the neighbourhood. The endorphins you release will get your blood flowing and give you just the mood lift you’ve been craving.’
3. Communicate: Murkoff advises, ‘Depending on the location and resources of your hubby’s deployment, he may have Internet access; if the connection can withstand Skype, gather the family for a face-to-face chat on a regular basis. If the Internet isn’t an option, send your hubby care packages with a few of his favourite things and some notes or artwork from the kids. Keeping the little ones involved and communicating will help ease their feelings of separation and remind Dad of his sweethearts back home.’
4. Utilise Your Support Systems: ‘If you live near family and close friends, don’t hesitate to ask for their help,’ Murkoff urges. ‘Visiting family members can be a great distraction for the kids. For them, going to Auntie’s, or Grandma and Grandpa’s, is a vacation — so take them for visits or drop them off when you need to clear some things off your plate.’
5. Don’t Give Up Girls’ Night: According to Murkoff, ‘When you’re a mum your needs usually come in last — especially when you’re assuming the roles of both a mum and a dad. But it’s times like these when you need “girl time” more than ever (and the chance to socialize sans baby talk). Find a babysitter and plan a night out with the girls. If you recently moved to a different military base, connect with other mums who are going through similar situations. Most bases have monthly get-togethers for mums with free childcare. Tending to your own needs and desires will help make home a happier place for your whole family.’
6. Be a Good Role Model: Murkoff points out, ‘Young children want to do what they see their parents doing (that’s why your little one loves that toy kitchen or kid-friendly tool kit). The same goes for life changes — if you adapt well to Daddy’s leave and continue your usual routines, your mini-me(s) will do the same.’
Comments are closed.