When you and/or your partner already has a family, it can be hard to amalgamate the two. How is the presence of new people going to affect family wellness? Inevitably, the family dynamic is going to change, and everyone, including the children, is going to have to adjust, so how do you navigate that difficult process and build relationships on which the wellbeing of the whole family can thrive.
If your partner’s child is particularly young, he or she will have spent the vast majority of their little life as the centre of attention so if you bring another child into the mix, such as an older child who feels a similar way with you, this in undoubtedly going to bring conflict. Whether one child bullies another, which is often irrelevant of age, or they just point-blank dislike each other, it’s a bad environment to let continue. You can’t always avoid them acting-out, but you can treat them both equally and as your own, to reduce this behaviour.
To help your children adjust to the situation, it might be a good idea to sit them both down for a talk. With both parents there, and in a non-threatening way, make sure your children know that everyone loves them and that you are all on board and communicating with each other. This is a good thing to do before the wedding, as you can explain to them that you’re getting married because you love each other and each child. Let them know that things will be different in a good way, and to ensure that everyone is happy, everyone needs to treat the other pre-existing family as their own. Promise that you will do whatever you can to help them feel comfortable with one another. There are plenty of things you can say, depending on your situation, so make sure you and your partner plan what you’re going to say first so you’re on the same page.
With your new partner, make sure that your child knows he or she still has their original parents, but that your spouse loves them too and is an important part of your life. This might not require a big conversation, but be better done with laid-back and fun one-on-one bonding time. The most important thing to remember is that family wellness takes time to develop, and you just need to grow together slowly into a loving, caring, supportive family.
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