Dementia may take its toll on your mental wellbeing, but what about your sexual health? Do you stop needing the intimacy of sex just because your wellness is affected by memory problems? Emma (not her real name) from Sydney, Australia, has a day job in elderly care, but she has also been a sex worker specialising in working with people with disabilities, including dementia, for 30 years.
According to Emma, ‘The needs and importance for social and physical relationships and in particular intimacy continue well into the moderate to severe stages of dementia.’ Earlier this year, Emma received a call from a woman whose 93-year-old father was confined to a nursing home with dementia. She noted, ‘You could tell in her voice that she was really nervous. But you could also tell that she knew what she wanted for her dad.’ Emma added that the nursing home staff was supportive, welcoming Emma into the facility and assisting her to move the elderly man into a comfortable position. ‘I’ve got something to give,’ Emma explained. ‘I’ve got the most intimate gift of all.’
Yet not all nursing homes are sympathetic to the sexual needs of residents as the home that Emma described. While the elderly are free to do what they like in their own homes, once in facilities, their sex life is regulated by staff. A study in the Australian Journal of Dementia Care found that staff were anxious about addressing sex among their residents, being particularly concerns about the reactions of a resident’s family, as well as the legalities of the arrangements.
Saul Isbister, a sex worker and president of Touching Base, a non-profit organisation that helps people like Emma connect with disabled clients, admitted that memory loss can be a concern. ‘We have had cases where people have forgotten that they’ve been visited by the sex worker, and they feel like the staff are lying to them,’ he said. However, he asserted, ‘There are fears associated with ageing that obviously may include death or loss of sexual function. When you have an opportunity to allay those fears I think it brings a lot of psychological comfort as well as physical relief.’
Comments are closed.