It takes all types to make the world. As you move through your life, you may come across people who act like jerks – both men and women – who belittle you, are irritating, and who try to prove they are better than you even though you have entered into no such competition with them. Here are five such types of jerks and a couple of tactics to deal with them…
The Narcissist Jerk
They always put their needs first. They also think very highly of themselves and expect your world to revolve around them. In a relationship, they have an overblown sense of entitlement. They make the decisions for both of you and ignore your opinions and concerns. They are also undependable and judgmental. You choosing to be kind, generous, and accommodating is taken for granted, as is your secondary status in the relationship. They are the ultimate game players and feed off the energy of the power games that they play. They will use pressure and guilt to keep you under their thumb. Understand that their constant judgments of your choices are more a reflection of their own issues and if you’re doing all of the giving, and your partner’s doing all of the taking, it’s time for you to take off.
The Office/Gym/College Jerk
The ultimate expert on everything under the sun! Anything you can do, they have already done better! They dominate conversations, laugh at others and put them down, boasting about personal stories, anecdotes and experiences, the veracity of which is questionable. They’re pushy, cross a line or two often, kiss up to the authority figure and do a volte-face on issues quickly. There’s also a sub-category in this variety that doesn’t want to share details with you but is keen on knowing what’s happening to you. They have great energy to indulge in one-upmanship and pursue you if you ignore them.
The Clingy Jerk
The variety that makes repeated phone calls or sends messages and keeps connecting with you throughout the day. They drop by too often and without invitation, won’t take the hint, are afraid to be alone in their own company, and every unending phone conversation with them leaves you panting with exhaustion. They always need to find out where you are, what you are doing and everything about your other friends. They also start asserting their right on you as a friend and if you choose a direct approach to set boundaries (“You need to stop calling me so much”), they sulk, swim in self-pity, rain on every parade of yours, and suck all joy out of a room.
The Phubber Jerk
It’s the type that snubs social companions to concentrate on their smartphones. This phone snubbing, known as ‘Phubbing’, is now so rampant that it is the new normal, says a report in the journal ‘Computers in Human Behaviour’. Very few seem to realise that this behaviour is straight up rude! This variety is everywhere; they are your friends with whom you are supposed to be catching up at a meal but have no time for you, your supposedly romantic date that seems to be romancing the phone more than you, or your own family members who, at a family event, cannot look up from their phones. You can try but you won’t win with their smartphones.
The Internet Jerk
The Internet Jerk is a variety that probably forms the largest majority, simply because it’s spread all over the globe, can belong to every class and strata of modern society, and is a part of every educational and cultural group. They have a horrifying and endless stream of prejudices that they blast on public forum. They keep telling you who you really are, what kinds of your ulterior motives you have for every word you write, how you lack in intelligence etc etc. Name an issue and there they are, jumping into it, head first, will full gusto of their bigotry. If anything is narrow-minded and judgmental, they’re on board. Since their attacks are personal instead of being issue-based, reasoning with them is impossible and utterly useless. This is a variety that simply logs in to be a jerk, do their bit, and log out.
These are only some of the Jerk varieties. They can come in many more hues and specialties. But whatever variety you encounter, they will make your life difficult as long as they’re around. Telling jerks you’re affected by their actions doesn’t work. Being positive and forgiving with them doesn’t work; neither does being direct with them. Distance and boundaries are the only things that work with them. Here are a couple of ways to do it:
Go slow on electronic communication. Take longer to respond to emails, messages and phone calls. Wait a day or two, or even more, before getting back to them to give the underlying message that you are busy or they don’t rank high enough on your list or relevance. Steer clear of places they might be hanging out on the Internet.
Keep away physically. Jerks are toxic for your emotional wellbeing. Set some boundaries and enforce them. You could simply put a physical distance between you and them. Meet them as less as possible, ignore them on the social media, and refuse to jump into any provocative conversation with them. If you do come face to face, walk away. If they taunt you for being a coward or a runner, which they in all probability will, ignore it.
Don’t retort. Resist the urge to retaliate in any way. You have nothing to prove to mean-spirited people. Don’t feel it necessary to confront them over their words.
Defriend. You don’t owe anyone an answer. You have your reasons to stop offensive people from trespassing on your mind.
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