So, you’re enjoying a quiet night in with a loved one, watching your favourite TV show together, but, every two minutes, you see them checking their phone. It’s infuriating. You know that they’re checking their social networks but you just want them to relax and enjoy their time with you – without picking up their phone!
Or perhaps you’ve gone out for a family meal but everyone is more interested in looking at their phones rather than chatting and enjoying time together – leaving you feeling exasperated.
Social media is a constant presence in most of our lives. Whether you’re catching up on celebrity gossip, seeing what your friends are up to, or replying to messages from friends, it can feel like we need to be constantly connected to the outside world. But when this gets in the way of enjoying quality interactions with the people we’re with in real life, it can have a negative impact on relationships. After all, no one wants to feel like they are second place to a smartphone!
When we prioritise our phone over a person, it sends a strong message that the person is not important enough to deserve your attention. You wouldn’t try to hold two or three meaningful conversations at once with different people in real life because you wouldn’t be able to give each one the attention it deserves. Yet this is exactly what we do when we’re using our phones to talk to other people who aren’t in the room, while also spending time with a friend or loved one.
It’s easy to see why social media is increasingly cited as a cause of arguments between couples and family members. If you’ve ever argued with a loved one about internet usage, here are some ways to stop social media causing arguments within your relationships:
Set boundaries – Agree when and where it’s okay to spend time on your phone. For example, you could agree there should be no phones at the dinner table, when watching a movie at home together or while having a conversation.
Don’t be secretive – If someone asks, “What are you looking at?” be open and honest. If you constantly say “Nothing” or hide your screen away, it can make them suspicious, which is when mistrust can sneak into your relationship.
Set a time limit – If your partner or teen is tapping away on their phone but you want their attention, suggest a time limit of five minutes. For example, “Hey, I know you’re in the middle of something on your phone but can we talk in five minutes?”
Show respect – Remember how important social media is to your teens. It’s not trivial to them, it’s their way of connecting with their friends, so while you might want to limit their time online, be ready to compromise.
Schedule downtime – Let your social contacts know if you’re going to be away from your phone for a while. For instance, if you’re heading out to a family dinner, put an update on your networks to say you’ll be away from your phone for the evening. This way, you won’t feel you need to check and reply to messages throughout the meal.
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