Sex: Are You Intimidating Your Partner?

What was once repression and coy responses in women have now been replaced with a bold attitude and a total acceptance of their sexual feelings. And while most would think that this would excite men, the reality is that this isn’t the case. It seems that most men are actually uncomfortable by sexually liberated women, feeling that the active participation they once took the reign on has been replaced by their female counterparts, pushing them out of their comfort zones and in a place of seemingly decreasing power. What many men are saying is that if a woman initiates sex and the man doesn’t feel like it, he wants to be able to turn down her advances without being questioned and cajoled into a response. But he wants to initiate intimacy, she should be responsive at all times and passionate. It appears that men want the control in any situation – without it, there could be problems in the relationship. This double standard is leading to emotional problems in couples’ sex lives, because men are requiring things to always be in their favour. This is due to the constant conditioning of men in that they need to be seen as the nice guy, but also get everything they want. The ‘Mr Nice Guy’ aspect of a man’s personality wants to celebrate equality and be in favour of women’s liberation, but the selfish aspect wants the control to be in his hands. There is no way of winning in this scenario.


This contrasting attitude that some men have can leave women feeling unfulfilled and confused. Such mixed signals make communication fraught in a relationship, and can leave females feeling angry and hurt by their rejected advances. In the face of an angry and upset woman, a man can often react by ignoring her and remaining aloof. He can label her reactions as unladylike or call her a nymphomaniac, putting her down in other areas of their relationship as well. This eventually leads to a breakdown of the relationship and communication entirely. In this regard, anger on the part of the woman is self defeating, and in such cases she needs to be made aware that her demeanor is ineffective. How a man responds to a woman’s questioning says a lot about his own perceptions of sex, relationships and women. It may also, though, be a reaction to baggage he harbours from the past, such as his upbringing. In such cases, counseling or couples therapy could be the best route so that you can get the issues out into the open with someone unbiased and removed from the relationship entirely, for an open perspective.


Sometimes, the situation is simply a breakdown of communication. For example, some men can be a little too forceful in sex which can make women complain of pain or discomfort during sex. This makes the man withdraw completely, which means the woman then complains that her partner isn’t intimate with her. Both parties feel neglected and confused, and this can cause problems in the relationship. Again, a sex counselor is the best option here as proper sex education is often the answer. It can be difficult knowing what to do for the best when you’re within the relationship, as you can see a way of fixing the problem and keeping both parties happy. An unbiased counselor will be able to offer advice and ideas where both partners are kept satisfied, emotionally and sexually, for a happy and fulfilling relationship.

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