When a partner is unfaithful, those few seconds of madness (or days, weeks or months in some cases) can totally destroy the years of family wellness and wellbeing that you have built up together.
Few people truly understand how devastating the effect of infidelity can be. Affairs truly take away all the emotional trust that is at the core of the relationship and this can be very difficult to recover from.
Luckily, there are ways to rebuild the relationship following a revelation of infidelity, but it’s not an easy road and both partners have to be totally open to fixing the damage that can be done.
When one partner discovers that another has been unfaithful, it triggers the four ‘H’s – Hurt, Hate, Holding on to resentment and Hesitation to trust.
When your partner has had an affair, you feel hurt that you have been totally betrayed in this manner. You may even feel that you hate your partner for what they have done, and for taking away the trust in the relationship. You probably feel deeply insecure too, and hate that you have to worry about the other lies that your partner may have told.
You will likely hold on to resentment – no matter how much you want to let it go. You will feel powerless. Finally, you will feel hesitant to trust again, as you know what it feels like to be betrayed and feel sure that you would not be able to survive a second betrayal.
There are also four Rs that the cheating partner should follow – these are the responses: Remorse, Rehabilitation, Restitution and Request for forgiveness.
That means that your partner should feel true remorse – truly sorry and sad – and should try to rehabilitate themselves. That means making the necessary changes to avoid it ever happening again. You can also go through restitution, where you let your partner reveal every feeling that they have towards you. Only when these other steps are complete can you request forgiveness – about six months down the line is best.
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