We’ve come a long way in talking about sexual health and wellness, but one subject remains a little delicate for general discussion; anal sex. Some people swear they’ll never try it, while others are ready and raring to go but one thing is certain: people are definitely becoming more accepting of it. So, if you want to introduce anal sex into your relationship without harming your – or your partner’s – wellbeing, here are some tips courtesy of Debby Herbenick, PhD, MPH, author of Because It Feels Good: A Woman’s Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction:
1. You have to talk about it: This may seem like the pinnacle of common sense, but there is a horrific number of accounts of men dropping some sort of “sorry-it-slipped-during-doggy-style” line. A word to the wise: women don’t buy that excuse, it’s not funny and you could end up with your balls in a death grip – and not in a fun way. As a man or a woman who wants to try anal sex, you need to communicate with your partner outside of the bedroom, so as to not catch them off-guard in the moment. Discuss anal sex with your partner in an honest, open and pressure-free way, explaining why you want to try it, gauging their interest and – most importantly of all – respecting their answer.
2. Use lubricant: Unlike the vagina, the anus does not lubricate on its own, meaning that copious amounts of lube is vital if you get the go-ahead. Both silicone-based and water-based lubes can promote pleasurable, satisfying anal play, but silicone-based lubricants tend to last longer.
3. Ease into it: Prior to penetration, it’s in your best interest to test the waters to make sure it’s going to work for you and your partner. Herbenick recommends that the man insert a lubricated, and possibly condom-clad, finger into the woman’s anus before proceeding to bigger and (potentially) better things – like, you know, your penis. I realise that reading about this online makes it sound terribly awkward. But this step is important in helping the woman gauge whether or not she’ll find anal pleasurable (or at least comfortable). So it’s easing into things.
4. Pace yourself: If you’re both still up for anal sex, it’s important to go slowly when inserting and withdrawing the penis. It’s a wild misconception that deep penetration and jackhammer thrusting is the way to do things; this way of attempting anal can actually cause a lot of discomfort and pain. The best thing to do is pace yourself and make sure you know how your partner is feeling at all times. Herbenick stresses this point strongly, urging that communication and relaxation are musts when having anal sex. If your partner is hurt by anal penetration, you need to stop and figure out a different way of approaching it, or even revisit when you’re both feeling ready.
5. No glove, no love: While you’re not going to impregnate anyone through anal sex, and you and your partner may be squeaky clean in the STI department, you still need to wear a condom when trying anal sex. Forgive the indelicacy, but butts are primarily for pooping, which means there’s faecal matter and bacteria that can travel down your urethra and into your prostate. To stay infection- and irritation-free, a condom is an absolute must.
6. Don’t mix things up: If you’re trying out anal sex, stay the course and don’t switch to vaginal. For the same bacterial reasons mentioned above, it’s dangerous to put anything in her vagina that has already been in her anus (like toys, fingers, or your penis) as the vaginal is quite sensitive.
Comments are closed.