We think of sex as the most passionate act that we are capable of – emerging from the history of animal lust, sex is one of the most instinctive and primal things that we do. So perhaps the leads us to believe that sex needs to be a passionate affair – slightly aggressive and fast. Certainly this idea is often show to us in film and TV; it’s rare to see sex as something that happens slowly and calmly, instead it’s all about being lost in a moment and acting on instinct. It some ways this can be a very good thing – after all spontaneity is a vital role in keeping sex interesting. But spontaneity doesn’t have to mean rushing things; there is the increasing belief that we are beginning to take sex too quickly.
In the search for the sometimes elusive orgasm, it is true that we sometimes lose sight that often the quickest way is not the best way and that we would do well to slow down our love making and focus on enjoying the act itself, not just the finish. After all if you are only thinking about the payoff at the end of the sexual intercourse, you can miss out on all of the fun and pleasure that it actually takes to get there.
Indeed some people who equate sex only with orgasm and not see the value of sex beyond it. It’s also true that if we fail to orgasm during intercourse it can be seen as a failure or a waste, when in reality a lot of sex does not need to end in orgasm. We too often buy into the myth that sex is orgasmic and should always be, but it is not the case. Sex is a very complicated act and there are many ways to derive pleasure from it – not just the obvious one. According to one statistic only around 30 per cent of women reliably and regularly orgasm through sex – and women can find it very difficult to achieve orgasm. This leads to another statistic that probably will not come as a surprise – around 45 per cent of women admit to sometimes faking an orgasm when making love.
These kinds of statistics clearly show that sex is about more than just the orgasm at the end. The unfortunate problem is that because women feel the need to fake the orgasm, they can then get stuck in a cycle where their partner believes they are doing the right thing, so the woman never manages to orgasm. This can lead to resentment and a lack of enjoyment during sex. So rather than faking enjoying it, it’s a much better idea to look at what needs to change so that you can get the most pleasure out of your time in bed.
The best plan, of course, is to focus on what you really enjoy when having sex and that often means slowing things down and doing them more often. Getting more of the things that you like during sex makes you feel more turned on and enjoy your time in bed a lot more. It also means you are more likely to be able to achieve orgasm which would be a nice end to your sexual experience. But it’s also key to remember that this doesn’t have to feel like something you need to have every time. If you don’t, just enjoy it for what it was and be sure to talk to your partner about how you can improve things next time around.
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