A new relationship can be a wonderful boost to your wellbeing, but there are certain sexual health and wellness concerns to consider. Before you jump into bed with someone new, you need to make sure that you’re ready for sex, both emotionally and in terms of protection.
It’s easy to get carried away in the early days of a blossoming romance, but that doesn’t mean you should rush things. These days, it seems as though everyone is having sex early on in their relationships, and there seems to be some sort of “three-date rule” about giving up, but if you are feeling like you’re being rushed into things, you should stop to consider why you’re feeling under pressure. This pressure may be coming from your partner, others around you or even from yourself. If you’re worried that your new partner will lose interest in you if you don’t start having sex soon, the only sensible way to find out is to talk to them. If you feel unsure before having sex, you’re unlikely to feel good afterwards, so only have sex when you’re both ready.
Choosing to have sex with someone is often part of a natural process of deepening and strengthening a special relationship. If you take the time to get to know each other, you’ll be more comfortable with your partner as and when you do decide to have sex – and the experience will be all the better for it. Or, waiting to have sex could give you the time you need to realise that this isn’t the relationship for you, meaning it will be that much easier to move on without the heartache and regret (and possibly worse). Good sex means no regrets. If you rush things and don’t consider your choices carefully, it’s easy to end up regretting it. This might mean you end up with an unwanted pregnancy, having an STI, messing up other, more valuable relationships or just wishing you had waited.
You or your partner may choose not to have sex for cultural or religious reasons such as choosing not to have sex until you are married or until you move in together. Whether it’s you who wants to wait, or your partner, you need to understand that there’s more to life and relationships than just sex and there’s nothing ‘wrong’ with choosing not to have sex. Still, if you’re not having sex but both of you want to, it’s important that you talk about what’s happening and maintain good communication. It may be because of time constraints, children, periods of stress or illness, fears of bad sex or that your feelings for each other have changed radically. For most of these problems, talking about it can be a massive help. However, for the latter it could help to get some relationship counselling.
If you and your partner are ready and willing to have sex, you first need to discuss your contraception options, as well as STI testing and pregnancy. It’s best to get these conversations out of the way before having sex, as it’s less likely that, in the heat of the moment, you’ll stop to ask about sexual history and birth control. You should always get tested for STIs before having sex with someone new, and make sure that your partner has also been tested. Moreover, you need a barrier method of birth control – such as condoms – to prevent the transmission of infections. However, as condoms can be forgotten or end up splitting, it’s also a good idea to double up your birth control with something more regular, such as the Pill or the Injection.
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