In the final phase of sex, a woman often achieves an orgasm. But for some women this isn’t always feasible – some women can’t achieve an orgasm at all. In the absence or persistent delay of an orgasm, a woman may become distressed and may well be diagnosed with female orgasmic disorder or FOD. This can be labelled as primary, where a woman has never reached orgasm, or secondary, where a woman can no longer achieve orgasm. Primary is the most challenging of all female sexual dissatisfactions to treat, but there are a number of reasons why a woman can find themselves in this situation. One of these reasons is emotional trauma, or sexual or physical abuse. If a woman has a history of abuse, it leads to her having a higher risk of emotional and physical problems, one of those being the inability to achieve orgasm. Depression and anxiety can greatly affect your ability to reach climax, and that in itself can run your sex life. Feelings of guilt, anger fear, shame or isolation can be common in women who have experienced abuse in the past.
For some women, these feelings may be expressed in the inability to be present when making love, while in others it may be finding yourself on the verge of orgasm then hitting a wall. Medications and surgery can also contribute to this problem, with excessive amounts of alcohol or drugs reducing your blood pressure. Antidepressants are known as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors and anti-anxiety drugs such as Xanax and sedatives can inhibit the engorgement of your genitals, which is a precondition for building to a climax. Sexual techniques do, of course, play a part as well though. You can’t talk about orgasms without mentioning the method you use to get there, and for some people this could contribute towards their inability to reach a climax. Making love isn’t something anyone is born knowing how to do, so it may be that you’ve never learnt how to give and receive sexual stimulation properly. There are a number of reasons why this may be the case, from cultural to religious, along with the embarrassment some women feel in talking about sex. These may lead to problems when it comes to orgasms, and are common in men and women alike, but could be causing you problems in the bedroom.
Another problem which could be to blame is pelvic floor prolapse which is a condition which could be affecting your ability to reach orgasm. This occurs when the muscles which support the internal pelvic orgasms loosen; this can happen with childbirth, with ageing, surgery or spinal cord injury. Women suffering with this problem often experience an urge to urinate and complain of pressure in the vagina or rectum. There are ways to overcome all of these problems, however. We are conditioned to believe that sex has to end with an orgasm, but there are ways to enjoy sex without worrying about the end result. Add that high level of pressure to love making affects the end result in itself, so try to relax first of all and enjoy sex without thinking about the orgasm at the end. You may find counselling sessions useful if you struggle to unwind and focus on the sex itself. If you’re concerned about your ability to reach climax, speak to your GP who may be able to offer a treatment to your problem.
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