It’s highly likely by the time you reach adulthood and serious relationships that you will have, at some point, experienced the kind of easy intimacy you have with a friend or partner – when conversations are easy and you can trust the person entirely. But not every relationships begins with such a deep connection, and it can be difficult to build a relationship when that level of intimacy isn’t present straight away. Relationships require a lot of work and they aren’t always something you fall into. Whether you’re looking to reconnect with someone you’re already in a relationship with, or are beginning a new partnership with someone and want to create a trusting and close bond, these steps can help you on your way to a loving and nurturing relationship.
One of the first things you need to remember is that being present with your partner is something heavily undervalued in today’s society. Thanks to the invention of the smart phone, we can be connected to numerous people at any one time – but are we always connected to the people we’re actually with? It may seem like no big deal to be on your phone when you’re with your partner, but when you’re multitasking, you’re not focusing on any one activity overly well, which means your relationship could be at risk. It can be emotionally stifling to feel as though you’re less important than other things your partner is doing, so make time to be there for them and fully engaged in the conversation.
On that note, intimacy is created through really seeing your partner for who they are, and that can sometimes be physically as well. Eye contact is really important and can help show that you’re being interested, attentive and caring towards your partner and what they have to say. Eye contact is a key component in how we socialise with other people and one of the most important elements in creating an intimate relationship. It’s a non-verbal, subtle yet easy way of showing that you’re being vulnerable and trusting of your partner. It shows emotional openness and increases our sense of understanding both in and of your partner. You should also be physically open with your partner – physical affection not only feels good but also triggers our bodies to produce oxytocin, which is known as the love hormone. This feel-good effect we have when oxytocin is produced helps to promote a monogamous and romantic relationship. But physical affection isn’t just about sex – it can also be holding hands, cuddling or kissing.
Oxytocin also increases the levels of a certain neuropeptide, a molecule in the brain which regulates memory, rewards and learning, called arginine vasopressin (AVP. This facilitates bonding with your partner, and both of these substances increase intimacy. Lastly, simply listening can help to increase intimacy – often overlooked but hugely important. Being emotionally, mentally or physically intimate with your partner begins with you listening to what they have to say. It may sound simple, but think how undervalued you would feel if your partner ignored you and never listened to your thoughts and opinions. It’s easy to become stressed by work and preoccupied by other things in your life, but take the time to sit down with your partner regularly and listen to each other. Be silent, don’t spend the whole time thinking about what you want to say next, and begin creating and honest and open relationship with your partner.
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