Men make a lot of New Year’s resolutions to do with wellness. Whether you want to spend more time at the gym, lay off the booze or see your friends more, the chances are that you made some sort of promise to your wellbeing for 2014 – and you’ve already broken that promise. Still, just because we’re nearing the end of January, it doesn’t mean you can make or remake your resolutions. Why not make a resolution that benefits your sexual health? This 2014, you can resolve to have the best sex of your life – and we’re here to show you how.
1. Tell Her How You Want It: You may think you’re making your point with the odd grunt and moan, but telling your partner exactly what you want and how she makes you feel can really get her temperature rising. Emily Morse, host of the Sex with Emily radio show, explains, ‘It’s sexy for her to hear your desires in bed, because you’re both in such an uninhibited state.’ Moreover, a study in the Journal of Sex Research found that the more couples used “crude language” in bed – e.g. saying “tits” instead of “breasts” or asking for a “blow job” instead of “oral sex” – they more satisfied they felt with their sexual communication. So don’t be afraid to get down and dirty.
2. Find Out What She Wants: Not only should you be more vocal about your fantasies, you can turn her fantasies into reality. Morse recommends asking a few not-so-innocent questions—like what she thinks about while she masturbates, or if there’s anything she’s always wanted to try. You’re more likely to get an honest answer if you ask her directly, and if you share your hidden fantasies first.
3. Extend Foreplay: If your typical between-the-sheets tryst goes along the lines of 1) Make out 2) Perform oral 3) Get her off 4) Finish, it might be time to shake things up. Morse argues, ‘The notion that women want foreplay, then sex, needs to be retired.’ A UK study has shown that a woman’s mouth and neck are the third and fourth most erogenous zones on her body, so you need to pay these areas attention throughout sex, not just as a pre-sex appetiser.
4. Take a Walk on the Wild Side: Madeline Haller, assistant editor at Mens Health, notes, ‘Couples who experimented with bondage, discipline, sadism, and masochism (BDSM) are more in tune with their sexual desires and report feeling more secure with their partners, according to a study in The Journal of Sexual Medicine.’ Spanking makes for nicer alternative if you’re not ready to invest in handcuffs – just don’t spank too high on the cheek. Ava Cadell, PhD, founder of LoveologyUniversity, an online resource for sex knowledge, warns that spanking too high could cause your partner pain because you’re closer to bone, so aim for the lower, fleshier area of her cheeks.
5. Take it Outside: ‘A private tryst in a public place is a rush that’s hard to top,’ says Haller. ‘Warm her up to the idea by trying a place that’s tame—like the apartment balcony or hot tub—then work your way up…Another thing to keep in mind: The rendezvous should include plenty of manual stimulation before clothes start being removed, that way you minimize the length of exposure. (It is illegal to be naked in public.)’
6. Watch Porn Together: Porn isn’t just for men. In fact, a survey from Good in Bed, Men’s Health, and Women’s Health found that 69% – yes, really, 69% – of women would be open to the idea of watching porn with their partner if he initiated the conversation. Men’s Health Sex Professor Debby Herbenick, PhD, suggests getting the conversation going by saying, ‘I’m happy with our sex life, but let’s try this once. It’s something we can enjoy together.’
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