The missionary position often gets a fair amount of undue snobbery in sexual health articles. Usually, you get told to amp up your sexual wellness with new and exciting positions, instead of the dull, forgettable, missionary style. However, many of us still like the missionary position and, damn it, we’ve got good reasons. The missionary position works no matter the state of your sexual wellbeing. If you’re really in the mood, it ticks all the right boxes, if you’re tired, you can still manage a morsel. Caviar it ain’t, but it’s like a good burger; you know how it’s going to look, how it’s going to taste and how long it will take to eat. And you can always make things fancier with the right side dishes – you just need to know how.
First of all, let’s talk aesthetics. Would you rather lean over your partner with all your wobbly bits hanging in all their glory, or do you look better reclining with your face turned up, lips parted expectantly and your hair arranged over a bank of snowy white pillows? Part of sexual wellness is self-confidence, and you know you look pretty alluring in the missionary position. You don’t have to be self-conscious about your body because most of it is covered by your partner’s. All you need to do to make it sexier is arch your back and your partner your best ‘Come get me’ look.
Then you have the issue – or lack thereof – of performance anxiety. If you’re lying on your back with nothing on your mind, you’re in the ideal place to unwind and enjoy yourself while he does all the work. As reader Joanne, 32, remarks, ‘I find it easier to have an orgasm in that position, because I’m more relaxed. With the others I’m constantly thinking about what I should be doing.’ Beth, 43, adds, ‘I can concentrate on me.’ If you’re feeling coy, shy or just plain lazy, the missionary position is absolutely the way forward. Moreover, this position can really make you connect with your partner. Being face to face means you can kiss and explore each other, and the missionary position is also the most comforting to finish in — you’re basically cuddling already!
The simplicity of the missionary position can be off-putting. How can it be great sex if just anyone can do it, and all you do is lie there? Plus, rumour has it that the name “missionary” came from the fact that missionaries brought the position to inhabitants of the old European empires as a “respectable” position — now there’s a history lesson to get you hot under the collar! New York sex and marital therapist Shirley Zussman, EdD, explains woman may feel pinned down in the missionary as ‘They’re not as free to move around as they are in other positions.’ Clearly, they’ve never wrestled with some of the missionary’s variations.
So how do you fine-tune the missionary position to work for you?
1. Pillows: Put one or two hard pillows under your hips, tipping your pelvis up for deeper penetration.
2. Angles: Your partner can ride high or low, leaning back to watch or forward to whisper and kiss. He can also lean to one side so you can caress each other’s genitals.
3. Legs: You can straighten your legs to create more tension, spread them wide, wrap them around his waist or put one or both over his shoulders.
4. Arms: He can hold your arms above your head or you can grip the headboard and thrust back at him.
5. Variation: New York psychiatrist Avodah Offit, MD, author of The Sexual Self, suggests, ‘Pull your knees up to your chest, then spread them just wide enough for your husband to get between them. With your calves on either side of his back, support his weight on the backs of your thighs. If you want to move you can rock back and forth with him. The advantage of this position is that you don’t have to be particularly supple. Taking his weight in this way also gives you some control, and orgasm is easier because penetration is deeper than if your legs are straight or out to the sides.’
6. Kegels: Dr. Offit notes, ‘Kegel exercises alone can aid orgasm. Or you can bear down, pressing your vaginal lips and clitoris toward the man’s body.’
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