These days, there are plenty of articles about taking care of your wellbeing through diet, exercise and enhancing your relationship and sexual health, but what about friendships? Why do you stop talking about making friends once you reach adulthood? Forging and maintaining real bonds has been proven to be vital to your health and happiness, but, according to wellness writer Meirav Devash, you’ve lost sight of how to do it.
Devash details, ‘The last time I checked, I had 643 Facebook friends and 1124 Twitter followers. To me, it feels like a pretty exclusive group. But when a lazy evening rolls around and I realise there’s no one I can invite over for an impromptu TV night, I pine for when I may have had only a half-dozen friends but saw them often and in person.’ This is no singular case, says Andrea Bonior, an adjunct professor of psychology at Georgetown University, US, and writer of Psychology Today’s Friendship 2.0 blog. According to Bonior, research has shown that we are ‘collecting more acquaintances but don’t really have time for true friendships. We’re actually starting to get lonelier.’
The internet has made it easier to stay in touch with people, but a touch – or “poke” – is really all you get. A recent poll by digital marketing firm Performics found that nearly 40% of us feel more comfortable socialising online than face-to-face. Bonior asks, ‘How many of the friends hanging around in your feed would you bother to ask to brunch?’ Not only is there something nice about meeting in person rather than chatting online; it’s good for your health. Devash notes, ‘Numerous studies have shown that hanging with the gals can lower blood pressure, reduce the risk of depression and create a sense of wellbeing.’ So how do you step up your friendship game?
1. Don’t Let Online Friends Take Up All Your Time: Carlin Flora, author of Friendfluence: The Surprising Ways Friends Make Us Who We Are, comments, ‘Checking Twitter and Facebook can eat into time you might have otherwise spent with a close friend.’
2. Follow Up Sooner: You don’t end a great date by saying “We should do it again sometime,” and then letting it go for three months, so why do you do that with your friends? Life coach Shasta Nelson, author of Friendships Don’t Just Happen!, points out, ‘It takes six to eight connections with somebody before we start considering her a friend.’ This means that if you meet up once a month, it’ll take over half a year before you consider yourselves close. Nelson enthuses ‘But if you meet with the same person over and over again, chances are high that you’ll forge a meaningful friendship.’
3. Make the Gesture: ‘Meaningful actions can mark you as a great friend, so jump in and be the one who throws her a 35th-birthday bash or drives four hours to attend her aunt’s funeral, Devash advises. ‘When former publishing executive Rachel Guidera’s home and most of her possessions were damaged by a cyclone, her friend Corrine Butler Thompson immediately started a fundraising campaign to help out – and raised more than $10,000.’
4. Pick Up the Phone: Flora recommends, ‘Force yourself to have one long, meandering, laughter-filled phone call with a close friend at least once a month, whether she lives close by or far away.’ Studies show that this can lower your body’s levels of the stress hormone cortisol and increase your levels of anxiety-reducing hormone oxytocin. Seeing as stress is the gateway to a myriad of health problems, it seems like one phone call is worth the effort!
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