It’s a common myth that if a heterosexual couple stops having sex, it’s the woman’s fault that the intimacy has died. There are more than a few reasons attributed to this logic – she’s too tired, she’s too busy, she’d rather be washing her hair, or pretty much anything that means she can get out of being sexual with her partner. It’s thought that millions of people live as part of sexless marriages, where the couples in question have sex less than ten times a year, a most therapists believe that around half the time the woman is to blame for this. It can be confusing to the male half of the relationship that their wives are suddenly disinterested in sex; perhaps they weren’t always so cold to the idea of intimacy, but now they can’t think of enough ways to avoid it. These men are hurt, confused and rejected, and are willing to do anything they can to reignite the passion into their relationships. But what does it feel like from the female perspective? What’s the reasoning for this lack of desire and what can couples do to resolve the issue? Of course, it’s no surprise that there isn’t an easy answer to this problem – there are myriad reasons why people lose their passion for sex.
Commonly referred to as Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder, this problem is characterised by an absence of sexual fantasies or a lack of desire for sexual activity that isn’t the result of substance abuse or abuse. Rather, if a person in a committed relationship is experiencing a low libido and it isn’t causing unhappiness to either person, it isn’t HSDD. Sex isn’t always the most important issue but in the cases where it is still a priority, it’s important that you get to the source of the problem so that you can begin rebuilding your relationship, both emotionally and physically.
Pain during intercourse is a common reason, and is to women what erectile dysfunction is to men who suffer with this problem. It’s an embarrassing topic for women who suffer with this problem and instead of talking about it, they hide away and just stop having sex. There are, like with ED, many reasons why this could be happening such as psychological and physical conditions that you should speak to your GP about. Depression is another cause of low libido, and so are antidepressants. In fact, antidepressants not only lower your libido but also temporarily remove the ability to feel romantic love.
Many women suffer with angry feelings, and this comes out in the relationships as suspicion or jealousy. And for some couples, it’s because their partner simply doesn’t turn them on anymore – perhaps their husband has gained some weight or has stopped making an effort. As this resentment builds, their libido drops until they don’t desire a sexual relationship with their partner anymore. It’s assumed that there always has to be a reason though, and sometimes this isn’t the case. In some cases, it’s simply that the sex has stopped being exciting or passionate – in other words, it has become boring. A fulfilling sexual relationship takes two people making the effort, and although sometimes there are reasons beyond anyone’s control that make this impossible, often it boils down to communication. If you’re worried about your inability to desire sex, you may find it useful to speak to your GP.
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