When it comes to sexual wellness issues, the focus is generally on women. For some reason, we believe that being conscious of how we look or how we perform is something that only women struggle with – and that’s simply not true. Let’s take a look at some of the issues that affect a man’s sexual health and wellbeing, and how you can overcome them.
1. Expectations VS Reality: As a teenager, it’s easy to get your hands on a lot of porn, which means most men have a slightly warped view of what sex is like. This internet-given sex education can make you feel like you have to last for more than 30 minutes, for example, which is completely unrealistic. Again, not meeting up to these expectations can knock your confidence, but it’s important to note that these things aren’t real; just like images of perfect bodies are the result of clever camerawork, pornographic acts are often performed with several cuts. In fact, research shows the standard time that a man should take to ejaculate after penetration is three to five minutes, so you’re doing fine.
2. Body Insecurities: You are exposed to so many different types of media these days that it’s impossible not to view images of good looking people with perfect bodies. As a regular, human man, this can make you feel under pressure to meet these unfeasible standards and, as a result, you can lose your sense of self-esteem and even stumble into depression. When you’re having sex, your body is indeed on display, which can make you worry about the odd skinny or wobbly bit and not enjoy sex fully. However, it’s important to note that no woman expects absolute perfection – if you were a complete 10, you’d make your partner feel insecure about how she looks. Try to focus on the parts of your body that you like and, if you really do want to look better, hit the gym.
3. Your Size: A lot of men worry about the size of their penis but, again, this can be warped by the viewing of pornography. Let me speak on behalf of women everywhere; it’s not the size – it’s what you do with it. If you can learn about things like female erogenous zones and kegel exercises to enhance your sex life, your partner won’t be thinking about how big it is. If you’re really concerned about how you measure up, the average penis size for adults is about 14-16cm (5.5-6.3 inches) when erect, and the average girth for an erect penis is 12-13cm (4.7-5.1 inches), so you’re probably way bigger than you realise. While we’re talking about your penis, if you’re struggling to perform, you may have a physical condition known as erectile dysfunction. This is easily treated, so speak to your doctor.
4. Bad Reviews: If you’ve ever had a partner ridicule you, or even make some sort of off-hand comment about your performance, you can carry that with you for years. If you’ve had such an experience, this has probably knocked your confidence and, as such, led to performance anxiety. The weird thing is that even if you’re amazing at sex, worrying that you’re not can actually make your performance worse, as you’re worrying rather than focusing on the experience. Remember that every person is different, which means that your current partner might love the things that your negative partner didn’t. Moreover, part of intimacy is working out what each other likes, and improving together. She’s not expecting you to be a rock star on your first try, and women quite like tailoring a man’s skills to their personal needs.
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