When Holly Rossiter was pregnant with her second child, she was told that, once born, it would quickly die. What followed was one of the hardest decisions of her life: terminate the pregnancy, or carry the child to term to only have a short time with her afterwards.
Rossiter recalls, ‘When I went to the hospital to see my OB/GYN, she diagnosed the baby with trisomy 13, also known as Patau syndrome—a genetic disorder involving multiple abnormalities, many of which are fatal. The disease occurs in about one out of every 10,000 newborns; more than 80% of children with it die within the first month…The thought of abortion came to mind immediately, but along with it came a feeling of walking into the ocean and never coming back. Mike was waiting outside. I told him we were having a little girl (whom we wanted to name Aubrielle), and that she might not be with us for very long. He hugged me, asked if I was OK, then called everyone to cancel the dinner. That evening we told Elise. Mike and I were worried about how she would take the news, or whether she could even begin to understand, but she simply leaned over, kissed my belly, and said, “Aubrielle, you’re sick, but you’re going to heaven, and you’ll get better there with Grandpa.”’
Rossiter details, ‘My doctor warned me that Aubrielle could die at any moment during the pregnancy, and certainly wouldn’t live much beyond the birth. She concluded that abortion was the best option. Overwhelmed, I just cried. I didn’t feel that terminating the pregnancy was the right option for me. My decision wasn’t just about religion, although our family does go to church weekly; it was about my belief that this baby’s life had meaning. I wanted to honour that. Mike supported my decision, as did my mum and sisters. Naturally, there were times when I wrestled with my choice, especially when others questioned my sanity. They’d say, “What’s the point of holding on to this baby? Have an abortion. Then you can try again in a few months.”’
‘Yet every time Aubrielle kicked, it was a thrill,’ Rossiter notes. ‘My marriage gained strength, too: Mike focused, selflessly, on what we needed as a family. One night when I was feeling sad, he held me as I cried till dawn. Before my due date, my perinatal nurse, Suzanne, paid us several visits, discussing my birth plan and how we wanted Aubrielle’s first few hours documented—we chose photographs and hand- and footprints. I requested a Cesarean so we’d possibly have Aubrielle for a little longer, if she wasn’t stillborn. I also asked for my family to have access to the recovery room. Suzanne helped us prepare Elise by showing her pictures of other babies with trisomy 13, so Elise wouldn’t be shocked by Aubrielle’s cleft lip and palate.’
Rossiter recollects, ‘The first time I saw Aubrielle, Mike was holding her. I’ll never forget her first cry, so tiny and faint. Mike kept saying, “She’s here! She’s alive!” He handed her to me, and I told her how much I loved her. As if in response, she squeezed my finger…Aubrielle, who weighed five pounds, lived four-and-a-half hours. During that time, our family had a small party with flowers, pink cupcakes with sprinkles, a balloon that said “Happy Birthday Princess”…About an hour after the birthday party, back in my private room, Aubrielle was starting to fade. Her chest, face, and hands were turning blue. I’d never lost anyone before. I looked down at my baby and watched her take her last breath. Then she was gone.’
‘I still miss Aubrielle,’ Rossiter says. ‘I have no regrets about what I did, and I’ll always have that extraordinary time I spent with my daughter. We visit her grave every week, where we sit on a picnic blanket and eat cupcakes. Mike and I waited for my body to recover from the C-section before trying again for another baby. Our son Luke was born in January. Now when I look at Elise and Luke playing together, I can’t help but picture Aubrielle with them. She is always with us in our minds and our hearts.’
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