The elusive female orgasm can be a real dampener to your sexual health and sense of wellbeing. After all, if you can’t get your partner off, you start questioning your manhood, and then you’re really in trouble sexually. But is it really possible to give your partner an orgasm every time? According to sexual wellness expert Ian Kerner, PhD, author of She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman, ‘Men still really believe that intercourse is the primary way to satisfy a woman—that penis size, thrusting, and maintaining an erection are most important. But there are a vast amount of nerve endings connected to the female orgasm, so a little knowledge of the female anatomy can go a long way.’ So what do you need to know in order to blow her mind?
1. Help Her Relax: ‘If there are five roommates in the other room or she has 10 emails that need to get answered, it’s going to be hard for her to orgasm,’ warns Kerner. ‘For a woman to really get aroused, the parts of her brain associated with outside stress and anxiety need to deactivate.’ This means a quickie isn’t going to get the job done, so make it a point to get her in a relaxed environment and remember to stoke that fire slowly. Most women require a full 15 to 20 minutes of sexual arousal and activity to reach orgasm with a partner.
2. Keep Kissing: As we’ve discovered, the female orgasm needs time to build, so you’ll understand that the female orgasm is all about sustaining her arousal. Dr. Patti Britton, PhD, clinical sexologist and co-founder of SexCoachU.com, advises, ‘Keep going back to kissing, and make it an ongoing part of the sexual act—not just foreplay. It sounds so mundane, but kissing is important to her—it send that bioelectric shock through her body—and it too often gets left out in today’s rushed world.’
3. Don’t Rush Downstairs: Kerner points out, ‘A lot of men approach oral sex as an act of foreplay, but direct clitoral stimulation might not feel good at the start of sex.’ You’re better off spending at least five minutes kissing, caressing, and working the rest of her body first. After all, many women claim that receiving oral sex is the best way to consistently orgasm so you should consider making it your game-time performance—and not just a warm-up drill.
4. Lube Up First: If you need a play-by-play, Britton recommends hands, then mouth, then penis, with one key ingredient thrown into the mix from the get-go: ‘A good, slippery, long-lasting lube is so important,’ she asserts. ‘If your finger is dry and she’s not amply aroused, which she won’t be at this point, it can be painful—and one uncomfortable misstep is all it takes to shut her down.’
5. Multitask: A study of women’s brains showed that different areas are activated when the clitoris, vagina, cervix, and nipples are stimulated. Study author Barry Komisaruk, PhD, a behavioral neuroscientist at Rutgers University and author of The Science of Orgasm, notes, ‘Women have said they can orgasm from each of these separately, but when you combine them, so many more neurons and nerve cells are responding. That means the resulting orgasm is going to be that much stronger and more enjoyable.’ So, don’t just focus on one area; employ your penis and two hands to hit these hot spots all at once, and that pleasure centre in her head is going to light up like the sky on November 5th.
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