Soon-to-be-wed couples should be prepared to talk frankly about their sex lives before they tie the knot. Even if your lovemaking is regular and healthy before the big day and you’re convinced of your sexual compatibility, marriage itself can change the physical and emotional dynamics of a relationship.
Psychologists and therapists agree that the healthiest way for couples to prepare for a lifetime of physical intimacy together is to be prepared to be open about their needs, desires, hopes and fears.
Just because your sex life was successful before marriage is not an indication that it will continue to be so after the wedding night. So your relationship has to take account of changing desires and needs, as well as physical changes – the arrival of children, perhaps ill health or as the result of an accident. Failing to take account of your partner’s changing sexual needs can often sound the death knell for a relationship.
Before your wedding day, you’re probably going to discuss everything from where you live to do you want children and if so, how many. Your future sex life probably isn’t on the agenda but it should be.
Talking frankly and open about your expectations and your needs is essential, as is an honest consideration of what either of you will do in the event that the other, for example, goes off sex or demands more sex. It’s not far-fetched to imagine scenarios where one half of your partnership takes ill or suffers an injury that affects them below the waist. There is also the possibility of dealing with issues such as depression or stress that can alter how your partner feels about sex and intimacy.
No topic surrounding sex should be off limits – your ability to discuss such an important subject before you commit to marriage will show your maturity and desire to make your relationship a strong and enduring one.
If you feel inhibited about initiating such a discussion, why not consider premarital counselling where both of you can safely talk about the subject with professional help to guide you?
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