For Barton Goldsmith, PhD, a three-time award winning psychotherapist, a syndicated columnist and radio host ‘I know the idea of “working” on a relationship is foreign to many couples. Most think things will just straighten themselves out if they ignore the problem.’ However, Goldsmith argues that everything from sexual health to emotional wellness will be better if you work on your relationship, rather than waiting for things to get beyond repair.
‘After an argument, for example, couples won’t discuss the problem or work to resolve and minimise the fallout,’ Goldsmith notes. ‘They simply go on with their lives until they either forget about what happened or until something else comes along to distract them from the previous issue. Working on your relationship is not effortless, but it’s a lot easier than repairing one that has gone wrong.’
Goldsmith recommends making long-term plans for your future together. ‘If that seems like it’s too much to deal with at the moment, just make plans for your next holiday or for the next year,’ he advises. ‘You will learn more intimate details about your desires and your mate, and what it is that you need from your partner to help you feel fulfilled. Making plans allows you to take a journey together that will open emotional doors that you both will want to walk through.’
Goldsmith adds, ‘Developing routines as a couple is also a way to work on your relationship. The more you do together, the closer you become. If you both like to exercise, find a way to do it together as often as possible, and if you want your family to experience a similar type of bonding and success, have dinner together. I cannot overstate how much doing this seemingly little thing does for couples and their families. It is a time when days and dreams are shared and everyone becomes a little closer.’
‘You see, the work doesn’t have to be hard; in fact, it can be fun,’ Goldsmith asserts. ‘But it does have to be done if you want to get the most out of your time together. Couples who choose not to work on their relationships usually aren’t very happy in them. Make the choice to do what is required to help cement your bond, then make life as good as it really can be.’
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