When it comes to your sexual health, you can get a bit obsessed with “the orgasm.” Still, while it’s true that sexual wellness is about more than reaching an end goal, that doesn’t mean if you have trouble climaxing that you should simply go without. I mean, your wellbeing doesn’t depend on an orgasm, but they’re still pretty enjoyable! Knowing more about the elusive Big O can help to unlock the path to reaching it, so let’s see if you can finish your bedroom experience with a bang.
First and foremost, if you don’t feel aroused, you won’t have an orgasm. This is a simple fact that can really change how you approach orgasms. Arousal begins in the section of your brain where your sense of smell intersects with your emotions, memory and sexuality. Therefore, triggering this limbic area with stirring smells can kick-start the arousal process throughout your body, which eventually leads to orgasm. The olfactory scents that turn you on may be different to what other people like. Napoleon was known to request his wife not to wash for a week before he came home, whereas a friend of mine loves the smell of men’s aftershave so much she sprays it on her pillow! Whatever does it for you, find a way to sniff it out more often.
It may seem like stating the obvious, but another important aspect of arousal is movement. A lot of people tense up and stop moving around during sexual activity, but you need to get those hips moving. You can also experiment with moving all of your limbs, rolling your neck and stretching into new positions to trigger points of arousal you never even knew about. It might be helpful to try strengthening your core as part of your exercise routine, as the ability to hold onto someone you love from the inside will make you feel both strong and sexy.
As you’re probably aware from any sex scene in any film ever, people express their arousal through breathing. When you’re aroused, do you tend towards long and slow breaths or do you experience short, fast inhalations? How does your breathing impact your connection to your body, your partner and your orgasmic possibilities? If the answer is “not much,” perhaps changing your breathing pattern can transform your sexual experience. With your partner, try to synchronise your breathing and movement. Although it’s a simple step, refocusing your breathing to come together will deepen your connection to each other, as well as expanding your idea of orgasm.
While communication and working with your partner is a key part of reaching orgasm, doing your own solo experiments can help you learn about your body without embarrassment or reservation. When you know the sensations and build-up that lead you to the point of no return, try pulling back and introducing a different form of touch or breath before you try to reach it again. If you struggle climaxing, you may be desperate to reach that point for fear that you won’t have another opportunity, but the longer you wait to surrender to your orgasm, the more power and energy you build up and eventually release. Not only does this enrich your experience with know-how you can pass on to your partner, but it makes each orgasm all the sweeter.
Finally, a small application of great, clean lubricant can get you aroused and orgasming in no time, as your body expresses arousal messages as genital secretions. Lubricant isn’t only great for painless friction and more time to experiment; it also helps to trick your brain into feeling aroused if you’re not naturally producing lubricant yourself (which a third of women struggle with).
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