Whenever you read about sexual health and wellness, the article or book in question always seems to be outlining a hot new position or even hotter new erogenous zone. However, sometimes all you need to give your sexual wellbeing a boost is to go back to basics. With that in mind, we turned to Emma Taylor and Lorelei Sharkey, co-authors of six books on the topics of sex and love, including Sex: How to Do Everything and The Big Bang: Nerve’s Guide to the New Sexual Universe, for eight sex tips that have stood the test of time.
1. Take it slow: Think about it; would you rather your partner say ““More, harder, oh god, faster,” or “Whoa! Slow down there, cowboy.” Erring on the side of going slow is a much simpler and sexier thing to fix.
2. Provide positive reinforcement: ‘Your partners will welcome praise and feedback like Jessica Simpson would a good review,’ say Taylor and Sharkey. ‘Plus, it’s an easy way to dabble in dirty talk. If you can’t find the words, appreciative noises work just as well.’
3. Love and down-and-dirty sex are not incompatible: Just because you’re in a loving, committed relationship, doesn’t mean you can’t get wild and dirty with your partner. Taylor and Sharkey note, ‘The idea that marriage, monogamy or even good manners is the end of dirty, throw-me-against-the-wall, taboo-busting sex is a tired, old myth that you should debunk on a regular basis.’ However, before you try something adventurous with your partner or give them a money shot in the face, do ask their permission – that’s just good manners.
4. Let your imagination run wild: According to Taylor and Sharkey, ‘Talking and fantasising together about an orgy with your hottie mail carrier, your local news anchor, and Notre Dame’s co-ed cheerleading team is usually infinitely more exciting than a real orgy with your hairy, alcoholic, depressed neighbours. Include your partner in your fantasies when it’s appropriate.’ However, if you’re thinking about someone else while having sex with your partner, it’s probably not a good idea to mention this – unless they’re dressed up as that someone else!
5. Do unto others as you would have done unto you: Practicing reciprocity is only fair when you’re in a relationship, but, then again, you should not do unto to others with the expectation that they must do unto you in return. Still, Taylor and Sharkey warn, ‘You should assume that when your partner tickles your back, it is not just because they’re being nice, but because they would like you to tickle their back, too.’
6. Don’t tar all your partners with the same brush: If things aren’t too hot in the bedroom with your new partner, don’t assume that you can spice things up again using the same bag of tricks you’ve used with a previous partner. Everyone is different and likes different things in the bedroom department, so get to know what your partner likes, instead of arrogantly assuming you know it all.
7. Be honest about your likes: Just as you should get to know what your partner wants in the bedroom, it’s important that you tell them what you like too. However, Taylor and Sharkey add, ‘Don’t expect them to like it, too. There is a difference between having a preference and being a fascist.’
8. Don’t literally rip each others’ clothes off: According to Taylor and Sharkey, ‘Bodice ripping may be sexy in romance paperbacks, but it only works in real life when you’re confident the item of clothing is easily replaceable and not considered a luxury item by your partner.’
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