When you’ve been together for a long time, your sexual health and wellness can get a little stale. Sure, you love each other and get more and more comfortable with each other every day – which is great – but the problem with knowing when your partner likes can mean that you never feel the need to try anything new or exciting in the bedroom (after all, if it ain’t broke…) However, not only does this put a bit of a dampener on your sex life, but it can have a negative impact on your sexual wellbeing, with both of you wanting something with a little more oomph, but neither of you saying anything. Here’s how to avoid getting in a rut with your partner:
1. Initiate sex more often: Even in this day and age, we can fall into the trap of thinking that good girls don’t initiate sex, and it’s really the man’s job – just like putting up shelves and taking the bins out. What a load of crap! You may not want to come across as too pushy or unladylike, or perhaps you worry about getting turned down, but women avoid initiating sex far too much. Men like to be pursued just as much as women do, so he’ll appreciate that you’re interested and your advances will make him feel desirable – and getting him into the sack (even if you’ve been happily married for years) will make you feel like a sexual goddess.
2. Stop worrying about what you look like: To paraphrase Julia Roberts in Eat Pray Love, have you ever undressed in front of a gentleman and he’s left? No – because he doesn’t care! He’s with a naked woman; he’s just won the lottery! Sure, your body might not be how it was when you met your partner, but neither is his and that doesn’t stop you. Worrying about how you look naked feeds into that vanilla, light’s off, under the covers sex that you’re getting so tired of so stop worrying about it because, trust me, he’s not. Even if complete, out-in-the-open nakedness feels like too much at first, try to relax about the bits your partner will see. If nothing else, men are notoriously unobservant. If he didn’t notice your new haircut, he’s not going to notice that your skin is not quite as tight as it was ten years ago.
3. Don’t think he’s always in the mood: Ok, this may sound a counterintuitive considering the first two tips, but bear with. Much like the daily pressures of every day life make you want to curl up in front of the TV and nothing more, the same goes for your partner. He’s not a teenager anymore, and sometimes will just want to go to bed without any monkey business. The important thing to remember is that his lack of desire isn’t a personal rejection, but rather just a normal fluctuation of libido. Snuggle up, go to sleep, and try again another night.
4. Give him guidance: You might not like to talk directly about sex, but unless your partner is a mind reader you’re never going to have a satisfying sexual relationship unless you communicate clearly. Take responsibility for your own pleasure and tell him what you do and don’t like – men like to please and may even interpret it as dirty talk, which is always a bonus. Just make sure you communicate in a way that doesn’t hurt his feelings, as “that thing” he does that you don’t like may be what he thinks is his “best move”.
Ghh