When you’re growing up, finding out who you’re attracted to makes up a huge part of your sexual health and wellbeing. Puberty brings out a lot of emotion and sexual feelings, including feelings of feeling attracted to both girls and boys. It’s perfectly normal for girls to think about girls in a sexual way, and for boys to think about boys in a sexual way.
As you get older, you start to work out whether you prefer people of the opposite sex or people of the same sex to you, however, this doesn’t always occur when you’re a teenager. Some people know they’re gay from an early age, while others don’t recognise this part of their sexual wellness until much later on. The important thing to remember is: You don’t choose your sexuality, it chooses you. As to why people are gay, lesbian, bisexual or straight, no one really knows and, really, it’s not important. The real key thing in all of this is to understand that being attracted to people of the same sex is just as normal as being attracted to someone of a different sex, and everyone deserves to be with someone they love.
If you do think you are gay, lesbian or bisexual, it can be helpful to talk things through with other people who are going through the same thing, or people who have gone through it already. Look in your local phone book, GP surgery, sexual health or contraceptive clinic, pharmacy, youth group, local paper or on the internet to find out if there’s a young men’s or women’s group in your area for lesbian, gay or bisexual people. When it comes to telling people in your life about your sexual preferences, it’s really up to you whether or not you do it, and in what way. Some people don’t understand that being gay, lesbian or bisexual is normal, and so ‘coming out’ can be a difficult thing to figure out. It’s a good idea to read about coming out, and find out about the things to consider before you decide whether to tell people.
Regarding sexual intercourse, it’s not only normal for gay, lesbian and bisexual people to worry about it, but everyone has the same feelings and anxieties about sex. Whoever your potential partner might be, deciding when you’re ready to have sex is a big step and a huge decision that only you can make. There is a legal age of consent, and you shouldn’t have sex before that age, but that is not to say that you should start going like bunnies the second you turn 16. The legal age of consent is just the earliest point at which you should consider becoming intimate with someone – it’s not necessarily the right age for you to start having sex.
While we’re on the subject, there are no rules about how long you have to be going out with someone before you do it. Everyone is ready at different times and every couple is different. You don’t have to have sex just because your mates or your boyfriend or girlfriend are pressuring you – it’s OK to say no. Nor do you have to “prove” that you’re gay, lesbian, bisexual or straight by sealing the deal, so to speak. Wait until the time is right, and then talk to your partner. Communication is key in any relationship, but particularly in a sexual one. You need to discuss needing to use contraception, having safer sex, picking the right time, and how you would both like the experience to be. Remember, sexually transmitted infections (STIs) can pass from girls to girls and boys to boys, as well as between girls and boys, so use a condom or dam when engaging in any kind of sexual activity, including oral sex or use of sex toys.
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